Alexandra Levit is a career and workplace expert at the Intuit Quickbase Blog , a daily source for advice on how to be exceptional at your job. You can follow her on Twitter at @alevit.

Having been a dog owner since 1979, I can claim with absolute confidence that pets have an uncanny ability to teach us humans certain things better than any person can. If you are willing to allow pets to become part of your personal development team, here are some of the things that they can teach you.

True Unconditional Love

Dogs are especially good at teaching us what unconditional love is. They love you no matter how much money you make, what kind of car you drive (or lack of one), how bad your hair is and what kind of day you’re having. When you come home, they are always glad to see you. They are always going to be with you no matter how rough life gets (in contrast to many humans unfortunately).

This is true unconditional love.

Even if you accidentally hurt them during a grooming or nail clipping section, they always forgive you. All they ask for in return is food, shelter and attention. Dogs in particular, give you tons of love back and personally, I think us humans get a pretty darn good deal out of this arrangement.

Teaching Us Responsibility

Pets in general are great teachers of responsibility, especially for children. When a new pet arrives at home, very soon the kids will learn that there is a huge responsibility in pet ownership. That cute puppy or kitten is not like a stuffed toy that can be left alone when you are finished with it. Instead, it makes noise, it pees, poos and barfs. It also rips things up and requires a lot of consistent training.

Failing to realize this responsibility has unfortunately resulted in many unwanted dogs and cats left abandoned at the animal shelters. This is a real tragedy. I personally think that all prospective pet owners should be educated on pet ownership before taking in a live pet.

The successful households with pets who do learn a lot about how to properly care for them will be immensely rewarded. The kids who actively help in the care of pets will likely grow up to be responsible adults too.

The Tough Lesson Of Compassion

Interestingly enough, we also learn about compassion through our pets but unfortunately, it is always a very difficult lesson as it is taught near the end of our beloved friends’ lives. I learned this lesson especially hard with my first dog Pepper.

Pepper’s health was plunging pretty fast in his 15th year due to Cushing’s Syndrome. A specialist vet recommended against surgery because of Pepper’s age. Pepper soon became quite uncomfortable as he started to yelp on a frequent basis. I didn’t know what to do as I was confronted by this situation for the first time in my life. I was also too hesitant to put him to sleep as I thought that his discomfort would just be temporary.

In fact, my own reaction was so bad that I actually got mad at him for being so noisy. Then one morning when I got up, my other dog Max was waiting for me at my bedroom door. This was quite unusual as my two dogs were usually together somewhere. I found Pepper in another part of my home as he had passed away during the night.

Then I realized that my hesitation and delay in putting him to sleep, caused my precious friend unnecessary suffering. In fact, this is one of the very few regrets that I actually have in my life. I should have taken the right action as soon as Pepper was hurting.

This tough lesson of compassion enabled me never to make such a big mistake again. When it was time for Max to go, I listened to my vet. When he told me that Max was suffering, I didn’t hesitate this time. I did however, request that I be there.

During the euthanasia procedure, I held Max so that I was the last thing he saw, smelled, heard and felt. I wanted him to know that somebody who loves him was there to say goodbye rather than to leave him alone with strangers in a cold, clinical animal hospital setting.

This time, although extremely painful, I knew that I did the right thing out of compassion, thanks to the lesson Pepper taught me.

Henry Peter Smith (Chris's puppy)

Precious Lessons Our Pets Teach Us

So you see, unconditional love, responsibility and compassion are very precious lessons that pets can teach us. As an author, I dedicated my books to Pepper and Max for being the greatest teachers I’ve ever had. And now I carry the lessons they taught me over to my current dogs, Chester and Roxie, a high maintenance brother-sister team (but extremely rewarding).

I really believe that pet ownership can play a big part in our personal development. As long as we do the right thing by getting properly educated about the realities of caring for them, pets can be among the greatest teachers in your life.

I would love to get your thoughts on your own experiences with pets and how they have taught you as well. Please comment below.

Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author & Karate World Champion based near Toronto, Canada. Get his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series on how to expand your comfort zone and finally conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

I’d like to call myself a writer. But I have found that it is hard to do. Mostly because of fear of the craft and how I sometimes don’t think that I can “stack up” to other, better writers.

What I have found is that my notion of me being terrible at writing isn’t anything unique. Not in the slightest. The best writers in the world all struggle with this notion on a daily basis. It’s hard for me to believe that writers like Steven King and Natalie Goldberg don’t believe that they are awesome at writing all the time, but it’s true.

So, instead of being hard on myself I decided to read what other writers had to say as well as learn some writing technique in the process. Below are 11 books that can help you inspire, encourage and clean up your writing.

On Writing Well

This book is a classic and one of the first that I read when I got into writing. Zinsser writes in a very approachable style and reminds you that writing isn’t always fun; that it is a real job and that you have to write through blood, sweat, procrastination, and tears to be considered a writer.

He is the one that helped me understand that writing less is more.

On Writing

It would be hard to not include a book about writing from one of the best selling authors of all time; Stephen King. This book dives into King as a person and also provides the reader with how he stays motivated and how he goes about the writing process. There is some excellent stuff in this book and definitely worth reading a few times to glean.

Anyone that listens to Metallica while writing horror and mystery is my kind of human.

Writing Down the Bones

Ah, what can I say about Natalie Goldberg? That she is one of the greatest writing enthusiasts and teachers I have come across.

In Writing Down the Bones, Goldberg reminds us that we can’t beat ourselves up as writers and no matter what we will. She shows us how to get out of our “monkey mind” and how to write without the inner critic stopping your from putting down your ideas.

If you are a writer or even know a writer, Writing Down the Bones can “inspire” you and move you to keep your ideas and pen moving.

The Artist’s Way

Several months ago I heard about the idea of writing 750 words a day to get out of myself and to keep the flame of writing alive. It helps you by making a guarantee with yourself; no matter what, no matter how tired or apathetic I am, I will write 750 words a day.

That idea came from the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Cameron suggests writing “Morning Pages” every day. The idea is to write 3 pages of long hand writing and no matter what don’t stop while you are writing. It is supposed to liven the writer in you as well as work through some cruft so you can be more creative.

And it works.

Bird by Bird

Bird by Bird is a book by the infamous Anne Lamot. I have yet to read it but from the endless awesome reviews at Amazon, it seems to be a truly great book about writing.

Lamott is known for speaking her mind and isn’t afraid to tell you the truth about writing. She has written around a dozen books

The Courage to Write

The Courage to Write is what it says; a short book to help writers not be afraid of the keyboard or pen and help to get them writing more. Raplh Keyes is a well known writing teacher and in this book tries to help us get over the fear of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards).

Keyes writes about the reasons why we become fearful of writing and it’s no surprise that the fear is something in ourselves rather than something external.

The Pocket Muse and The Pocket Muse 2

This is a fun book and isn’t truly a writing technique book like most of the others. What the Pocket Muse is intended to do is give writers a spark to write and be creative. There are many sayings and prompts throughout the book with different types of visuals to get a writer’s mind going.

It’s a nice little book to have by your side, especially if you want to find something for a little boost to get started writing.

The Daily Writer

The Daily Writer is another book that isn’t completely about writing technique. What the Daily Writer provides is 366 prompts and writing exercises that you can use everyday. Every good writer that I have encountered over the years has kept a journal or has written every single day without fail. So, something like the daily writer coupled with the above mentioned Morning Pages can kickstart your writing habit and your creative process.

I’ve used the Daily Writer for almost 7 months now and it is definitely worth the time and money to check out.

Immediate Fiction

I tend to not write fiction but have been thinking about trying some more and more. Especially when a friend recommended “Immediate Fiction” to me. Once again, I don’t have first hand knowledge of this book, but according to my friend and reviewers on Amazon, this is one of the best books for help with writing fiction.

The Elements of Style (4th Edition)

Ah, the classic. I remember sitting in my first semester of college writing with this weirdly colored and amazingly short book as our text. I in no way recognized the importance of Mr. Strunk’s book then. It took several years and a revisit to college to understand its impact on my writing.

The 11 rules of Usage and Composition are extremely valuable and something that every potential writer should take note of.

The Essential Don Murray: Lessons from America’s Greatest Writing Teacher

Don Murray is sort of the “black horse of writing”. Not too many people outside of the field know about him as he doesn’t have the grand allure of authors like Steven King. But Don Murray may have been one of the best writers and writing coaches in the West.

The Essential Don Murray is a collection of all of Murray’s scattered works and provides the reader with many strategies and tips for writing. But, what this book truly shows us is how much Murray loved writing and tries to help the reader love it too.

Too many men look like hell and don’t need to. It’s not about being messy, some guys look great messy (most don’t). It’s about style. Most of us want or need more of it. Here are the hacks to get you there.

Personal “brand”

First. What is your personal brand? What are five words that describe you? Ask your friends for a few words to describe you. That is your current style. If that doesn’t work for you, what do you want instead? List those words.

How conventional are you? Do you take risks? Are you serious? Playful? My personal brand has a lot of humor, and I am pretty comfortable being the center of attention, so I can get away with wearing a bright pink sport coat, or four different patterns (coordinated, of course), but I fade into the woodwork if I’m wearing a grey suit, white shirt and red tie. That’s me. Who are you?

Look for other styles

Next, find magazines that speak to your style. Look at the ads and the photos. What are the guys wearing? Imagine yourself in that. Would that look good on you? (some of the things in magazines are to be avoided, by the way) Read the style articles, too, but don’t always believe them when they say that this or that trend is coming back. “Hats” have been coming back for almost 50 years, but have never quite recovered since the 1950s. Don’t buy one because they are trendy, buy one because you like it.

Go to a store (that fits your style…) and browse. I know, we’re guys, we prefer hunting over gathering. So, think of this as scouting for your prey. Take a friend whose judgment you trust and run ideas by him / her, but make your own decisions! (BTW, you will make mistakes. That’s OK, that’s how you learn…) If you don’t have a friend you trust with this stuff, walk up to someone else in the store and ask his or her opinion about the shirt / suit / shoes you are wearing. This is a fun way to meet people, too.

Get some professional help

Find a knowledgeable salesperson in the store and enlist his / her help. Remember, they may be on commission, so they may want to sell you stuff you don’t really want, you will need to use judgment here too. A good salesperson won’t do this, preferring to build a relationship instead. You want that too, so that they will tell you about upcoming sales and offer to put stuff aside for you. This is VERY important if you are in any way a non-standard size (says the guy who is 6’5″). Anyway…ask him / her what colors and cuts look best on you. Not everyone looks good in all colors and patterns. Blue is great for me, dark grey not so much. Similarly, bold patterns make people look bigger and broader, which is great if you are 5’6″ and 120 pounds, but not if you are 6’0″ and 350 pounds.

Lastly, enjoy the process. There is a science, as well as an art, and you can learn both. Don’t take it seriously (except for those few occasions when you must, like funerals).

By the way, that is me in the photo above, no stock photo could capture the mood quite right….

Project View

In my last article here at Stepcase Lifehack,one of the comments I received suggested that there is a fine way to get around the question of having a “sacred’ calendar.

Popular books like Getting Things Done and others advocate the use of calendars for appointments, trips and other activities that “must” be performed on a particular date. Unfortunately, the word “must” is imprecise, and likely to be interpreted differently by each person.

The principle that they are attempting to reinforce is more clear: don’t populate your calendar with commitments that aren’t firm. Instead, treat the calendar as “sacred” – a place to put commitments that you dare not break.

Fortunately for us, the technology is fast approaching in which you can, at the same time, maintain a “sacred” calendar, a “profane” schedule and every-calendar-in-between!

In Outlook, for example, it’s easy to create, with a few clicks, any number of calendars that cover the same dates. However, because these calendars seem to be different files, it’s easy to believe that they represent different entities.

Not so. Instead, three different calendars of September 2011 are actually three views of the very same set of 30 days.

With that possible snag out of the way, it’s not too hard to see how Outlook and other programs like Google calendar or Yahoo calendar can help us “see” our schedule in ways that can help us to prevent overlaps and miscues, and give us a deeper understanding of the time demands we must confront each day. For example, I have been experimenting with the following 5 views of my schedule. (I didn’t try using them all at once!)

5 Views of One Calendar

View 1: A “Default” week’s view – before any appointments, deadlines or one-off activities have been created, there is an underlying schedule that I use as the basis for every single week. It includes the basic activities that I need to live my life, and I only move them or delete them in emergencies. These activities include time spent sleeping, eating, exercising and relating to close family members. These are items that I do regardless of the work I do, where I happen to live, or the time of year. For example, going to bed early is important for me due to the triathlon training I do. Before it became a habit, I scheduled the time to go to bed and also set an alarm on my watch to beep at 10:20 pm.

View 2: The “Hard appointments” view – this view consists of scheduled activities planned with other people. The criteria for placing an item in this view is that “there are sharp consequences for myself and others if the appointment is missed.” Dental appointments and coaching calls are examples.

View 3: The “Deadline” view – when there are deadlines I have that produce negative consequences if they are forgotten, they are placed within this view (e.g. due-dates for my company’s tax deposits)

View 4: The “Blank-time” view – this is the time that I schedule each day for the unexpected. These slots of dead time act as buffer against all the things that can go wrong, and their length and frequency depends on the environment I’m in, and the kind of work I’m doing. For example, I have found it difficult to schedule work on travel days, so I would set up huge chunks of dead time in the expectation that something is likely to go wrong. If nothing goes wrong, then it’s easy to reach into future days for time demands that I can start working on now. Using this view helps to prevent (but might not cure) the popular fault of over-scheduling, which most ambitious people commit.

View 5: The “Activity” view – in my last article,I focused on the switch that needs to be made by people who have a great number of time demands i.e. from learning to place tasks rather than lists. The Activity view is the one in which the most action takes place as time demands that come into my life are placed directly in my calendar. Most of the schedule juggling that happens each day takes place in this view.

Paper’s Shortcomings

Viewing a single schedule in five different ways can be quite confusing to those of us who think of calendars in the traditional, paper-based way. Throw in the ability to access your scheduled time demands on your laptop, smartphone and tablet and you may realize that there’s a need to see calendars and schedules quite differently…. perhaps as a set of tasks that are organized by date and time, that reside in the cloud. At any point in time, the calendar-view you are looking at is filtering tasks, and helping you to focus on the few at a time that you really need to see.

This filtering is important… it might never make sense to combine all the views in one, any more than it makes sense to watch more than one television channel at a time… even with the latest PiP technology. Each view serves a different purpose, providing a layer of information that’s important to maintain separately from the others, or to combine selectively. For example, I combine the “Default” view with the “Activities” view on a day to day basis, while I use the “Blank-time” view as a planning tool that’s filtered out once my day starts.

Of course, there could be other views. For example, Dezhi Wu’s groundbreaking research suggests another possible view for Projects. In her book, “Temporal Structures in Individual Time Management” she explains that a project manager should be able to craft a schedule of activities for each team member that can be downloaded right into a planning device. To me, this suggests an additional view is coming.

View 6: The “Project view” – when you have a group of inter-connected tasks that are designed to produce a particular result. It would be nice to take a look at each project as a separate thread of activity. You could see, for example, what happens in your life when there’s a change in final due dates. This is a far cry from the mental, unreliable estimates that often fly around.

Technology Limitations

Unfortunately, the core technology of managing multiple views isn’t maintained on all calendars. My Blackberry’s calendar doesn’t allow for multiple views from one program. Hopefully apps are on the way that will correct this, and allow me to synchronize different views with the cloud.

However, with tools that are already available, it’s possible to keep a “sacred” calendar if it’s seen as merely one possible view to manage. With improved tools, we could do much more scheduling and less listing, even as we stick to the GTD principle of maintaining and managing firm commitments. Doing so would help relieve us of the job of juggling our calendars in our minds, and delegate the task to tools tapped into the cloud.

P.S. I used Yahoo!.Calendar to generate these views, and the instructions for doing can be found here.

I own a management consulting firm in Florida, and recently moved to live in Jamaica. Shortly after arriving, I began to study time management techniques when I found that my old system didn’t work. I eventually coined the term “Time Management 2.0″ for people who are continuously upgrading their own, custom approaches. Find out more about Time Management 2.0 and the MyTimeDesign training.

"Sunrise" from Mundoo on flickr

Hurt people hurt people.

I recently read this and it really struck a cord with me. When I read that statement and let the meaning really sink in, I felt myself being lifted to a higher level of understanding. I felt my heart open up and compassion flow through me because I realized, aren’t we all in our essence scared little children who are trying to protect ourselves? Haven’t we all been hurt in some way or another?

Becoming more aware

If someone hurts you, instead of reacting right away, pause and consider, WHY are they hurting you. Any anger, criticism, or judgment comes from a deeper, underlying fear. We have a choice on how to react to any situation. We ARE in control…if we choose to be. That means becoming more aware and pausing before going for that immediate reaction.

The “pain body” and how to relieve it

Eckert Tolle talks about the “pain body” that we all have. Some have a much larger pain body than others. This is the collection of all hurts, sorrows, anger, and fears in an energetic field around your body. It’s your baggage that you haven’t dealt with and continue to carry around. The pain body requires more pain to expand and therefore we end up experiencing automatic reactions to situations that become even more painful.

Compassion helps to melt away those pains. Quite honestly, if you take the time to really look at the pain you’ve experienced, is it serving you now? Yes, it may have been fine for a while to protect you from dangerous situations. An abused child needs to be protected and will naturally create ways of dealing with the pain. But as an adult, when the threat or danger is no longer there, the programming of the pain often still is! We are living our lives on programming that is no longer necessary—but we don’t know how to change that.

Just like computers need updating and new, improved software to function well, we do too! If you are running on old programs in your subconscious, then perhaps it’s time to upgrade. How do you know if you have old programs? Just look at the results you have in your life. Are you where you want to be? Are you living your dream life? If not, only YOU can change that.

Natural ways to heal

We are in the process of discovering wonderful methods to heal ourselves. We have ways to free our hearts. It may be hard to think in terms of love if you’ve been hurt so badly. But forgiveness is something you can do to open the door to love, to compassion, and to free you own heart! Our world is so full of violence, anger, injustice, and hate. We each have a responsibility in our own lives to raise ourselves above that darkness, to choose to see love over the fear.

In the past year, I’ve been learning so much about natural healing modalities that can bypass those old programs in your system. Bruce Lipton, a renowned cell biologist, gives a great list on his website of all sorts of ways you can bypass the old and reprogram yourself naturally. Our brains are truly amazing and have huge capabilities to change and improve. The desire needs to start from within. This is why I think more and more people are finding themselves on a journey, dealing with huge crisis in their lives, and finding ways to overcome challenges. Become proactive about your life, the way you choose to live it, and that starts with being aware of how you are choosing to react to situations.

The next time someone hurts you, pause before you respond and think about what the underlying message may be. You may find that the real reason is that person is hurting as well. It may open up the communication if you can recognize that person’s pain and help them see where they are hurting. I am willing to bet it will improve the relationship. And those things that we can do on a small level in our own lives, are things that will work on a bigger level too.

Here is an experiment I challenge you to take on: make a conscious choice to be more compassionate, both with yourself and with others, and see what happens. One week, try it…you have nothing to lose. You can make a difference in the world—just start with yourself first!

"flickr Relationships" from |G|™ on flickr

You may not be aware of this, but the two of you are not the only people involved in your relationship. In fact, you may be in a minority when it comes to who is actually running the show. Each time you begin afresh, all dewy-eyed about a shiny, new relationship, your subconscious is inviting a whole bunch of people to the party.

Your Inner Child

To begin with, there are the children. No, not the actual children. I’m talking about your inner children. That part of you that still feels the way you did when you were little.  The part of you that reacts to the present based on the experiences of the past. The part of you that makes decisions based on the opinions you formed about the world and what you could expect from the people in it at an impressionable age.

Not that being in touch with your inner child is always a bad thing, being able to play and have adventures is a fantastic trait to have at any age. But the flip side comes when you’re unconsciously re-playing situations that mirror the less fun stuff that you may have had to deal with.

If your parents were anything less than ideal in every way (and 99.9% would fall into that category), you probably had some needs that they didn’t fulfill. Depending on the seriousness of those unmet needs, you might discover that they are closely related to the issues you find most challenging in your relationships today. When conflict arises, a quick and easy test is to ask yourself whether the feeling you are having – aside from the circumstances of the current situation – is at all familiar. If it is, see if you can think back to the first time in your life that you ever experienced that feeling.

Another clue is to notice whether it seems like you are falling into familiar patterns of behavior, either within an individual relationship or with different people. Pay close attention whenever you find yourself starting sentences with “You always…” or “You never”. This is actually always a bad idea, since it heaps additional energy from past resentments on to the current situation. But leaving that aside, it can be a helpful clue as to what your core issues are.

Of course, it’s not always about your childhood (now that I’m a mother, I’m a little more reluctant to always lay the blame at the parents’ door). You may have had a fantastic childhood with spectacularly perfect relationships with both your mother and father. You may then have gone on to meet and marry your childhood sweetheart with nary a cross word between you. If you did, may I be the first to congratulate you and ask you to please contact your local media because I’m sure we’d all like to meet you.

Past Relationships

But seriously, this may have nothing to do with your parents and everything to do with the first, second and third schmuck who broke your heart. The point is that you need to be aware of whether the issue that you are dealing with is really about your current partner or if it’s just a button they are pushing that was built and installed by someone else entirely.

If you and your partner are emotionally intelligent, you may be able to share this kind of realization with each other. Not in the “You know why I hate you, because you’re just like every other wo/man” sense, but more in the “I’ve just realized that this is not entirely about what’s going on here with us, I think it may be related to…” way. If the thought of doing this makes you feel like you want to throw up, I would suggest you stop trying to work this out with them and go deal with the original issue, by yourself or with a friend or therapist.

To sum it all up, when things start to get heated, it may be worth checking under the bed of your subconscious to ensure that you guys are really alone. Throw out any other people you find, lock the doors and resolve to figure it out together. If you make a conscious effort to deal only with the stuff that actually belongs to each other, in the here and now, you’ll find yourself more able to quickly and easily resolve any differences and get back to the serious business of being in love.

Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years’ experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.

From Guoman Hotels in London on flickr

Do you spend too much time in meetings?  If so, you are in good company.  One of the  most common complaints of office workers is that their productivity is hampered by too many unproductive meetings.  Ineffective meetings lead to frustration.  They waste the time of the participants and they undermine the effectiveness of the whole organization.

Here are some ways to tackle this problem.

1.  Fewer attendees.

The meeting should be restricted to those whose presence is essential to review the issue and to make the decisions.  People who want to be ‘kept in the picture’ should receive a summary email from the meeting chair.  If you are invited to a meeting which you know is not really relevant for you or will be poorly run then offer your apologies and ask for a summary.  You will rarely regret missing such a meeting.

2.  Create a Focus and Agenda.

The purpose of the meeting and any required information or preparatory work should be made clear to all delegates well in advance.  In addition to the start time there should be a planned finish time.  The chair of the meeting should keep to the agenda and quickly curtail diversions and irrelevancies.  If you are invited to a meeting with no agenda then politely reply asking for clarification on the timings and purpose of the meeting.

3.  Training.

Anyone who chairs a meeting should have had some basic training on running meetings.  This would include keeping to time, keeping focussed, reaching decisions, agreeing actions and handling conflicts.  Does your HR department offer such a training course?  If so go on the course and encourage others to do the same.

4.  Use a Discipline.

There are various formal methods for managing meetings.  I like de Bono’s Six Hats.  They can help you to focus on the key activities of productive discussion and speedy decision making.  This method is particularly good for contentious issues because it takes the conflict out of the meeting and forces everyone to consider all the points of view.   Why not try this approach at the next meeting you chair?

5.  Ask for Feedback.

Every meeting should be quickly appraised.  At the end of the meeting the chair asks, ‘How could we have run this meeting better?’  People can respond directly or anonymously.  Either way you will have constructive suggestions for how to make meetings shorter and better.

6.  No Meetings in the Mornings.

Author Josh Kaufman recommends that you should allow meetings only in afternoons thus allowing you to block out mornings for essential work that only you can do.  He claims that this significantly improves productivity and I am inclined to believe him.

People spend a great deal of time in meetings yet rarely consider how to run them better.  Try these ideas and get the meetings monster under control in your business.

Paul Sloane is an author and speaker on leadership, innovation and lateral thinking. His most recent book is The Innovative Leader. He helps organizations improve innovation, creativity and leadership. He is the founder of Destination Innovation. He has written 15 books of lateral thinking puzzles and hosts the lateral puzzles forum.

Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/PaulSloane.

From CivilEats.com

Meal times are one of the cornerstones of your daily routine. They can be the most joyous part of your day or the most dreaded part of your day.

When you have small children it is very important that you be consistent and that they sit down to eat at roughly the same times every day. It’s also important that those times are spaced far enough apart so that your kids have an appetite for what’s put in front of them, but not so far apart that the run-up to every meal is marked by the kind of bad behaviour and irritability that’s triggered by hunger and low blood sugar levels.

Meals though, are not just about getting the right amount and type of food into your kids at the right time. They’re also occasions when your family can be together sharing news, talking over what everyone’s been up to during the day, sharing successes and disappointments as well as just enjoying each other’s company.

My family also uses meal times to share how we helped someone or made someone smile that day.

In many families, meal times are not so enjoyable. Instead, they’re running battles to get kids to eat, behave, or just sit down at the table. How do you turn this scenario around so that mealtimes become one of your favourite times of the day with your family?

The first step is to establish some ground rules. Here are seven rules that can help family dinners turn into precious family time:

1. Children should wash their hands before they eat.
2. Children need to sit at the table and not run off.
3. TV stays off during meals.
4. Children need to finish chewing before speaking.
5. No one answers the telephone during meals.
6. Children need to eat nicely – no playing with their food.
7. Children need to TRY something – if they don’t like it that’s fine, but they must TRY it. If they truly try something and really don’t like it then they are free to eat the side dishes.

These rules are pretty simple which make it easy for you to reinforce. If your child breaks one of the rules, use this phrase:

“Ella, (of course use your own child’s name here), you need to ________________ (finish chewing your food before you speak. We don’t talk with food in our mouths.)”

The key words here are, “You need to” and “We”. These words teach your rules and values clearly and concisely but they also join you as a family instead of placing blame or belittling. When your child hears, “We” they hear, “Oh, yeah, that’s what my family does” instead of, “I’m bad again”.

If your child continues to misbehave or break a rule after this reminder then you can use my 4 Step Discipline Technique.

A couple of other things to make sure meal time is relaxing:

• Ease up. Gradually give your baby (child) the opportunity to experience independence because it’s what they crave. As soon as your baby can sit upright, without additional support, bring the high chair to the table. Let her feed herself as much as possible – with finger foods to start off with.When she’s big enough, give her a booster seat. Try not to make a 2 1/2 or 3 year old be stuck in a high chair drinking from a bottle or sippy cup – they are beyond this. It’s okay though to have a 2 – 2 1/2 year old wear a bib until they can show you they don’t need it, but try to allow them to practice being independent.
• Use a speaking object, if necessary. Sometimes families, larger ones especially, struggle because everyone wants to speak at the same time. Decide as a family on what object could be used to show whose turn it is to talk. It could be the salt shaker or something more special like a shell someone found on a family holiday. Pass this object around to ensure that only the person with it in front of them is speaking.

Use these tips and tricks consistently and I guarantee that meal times will become one of your most favourite times of the day!

Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.

MeetingBoy, the anonymous man who unleashes bitter — and funny — rants about his intolerable boss and office life in general at MeetingBoy.com. You can also follow him on Facebook and Twitter, where he’s amassed more than 130,000 followers.

If you are a smartphone user, particularly and iOS or Android user, you are faced with the choice of hundreds of thousands of applications. Most of these apps promise that they are the best at something, or the easiest to use, or the most beloved, or whatever. But what I have tend to find is that most apps are junk and a waste of your time.

Yep, that’s right. There are many more applications that are pure junk than are golden and even more that are a total waste of your limited, use-to-be productive time. So, under this premise there are only a few applications that you both need and are worth a damn.

I remember getting my first phone with apps several years ago and downloading and trying everything that I could. It was fun at first, but then got in my way of being productive and became a real nuisance. This may not be the case for everyone, but I found that going “minimal” in my app selection is a must and since taking this step I have been much more productive and less “finicky” during my day.

Here is how you too can go on an app diet and start using your phone instead of it using you:

Find out exactly what you need your device for

This is the primary step in trying to figure out what apps you need and what apps you don’t. What do you need your phone for in the first place? Just making calls, email, calendaring, and messaging? Then why do you have every variant of Angry Birds taking up space and time on your device?

This is where you decide exactly what your device should and shouldn’t be used for.

Identify awesome apps that fill the needs of your device

Now that you know what your devce is and what it isn’t you have to find apps that bring that idea to reality. At Lifehack we have featured some of the best productivity apps for iOS and going through lists like those here and elsewhere can really help you narrow down your choices.

The best way to find the apps that suit your needs is to search the web for them, see what many people suggest and use, and then give them a try to see if they fit.

Awesome apps cost money, so pay the piper

I know. Shocking, right? Great apps are made by great developers and tend to cost money. If you are a “I only download free apps” kind of guy or gal (which tend to be Android users more often than iOS users) then you probably can settle for apps that really are sub-par to their paid counterparts.

In my experience and many others, there aren’t too many free apps that are better or even equivalent in form and function than their paid counterparts.

Personal apps defined

So, what I have done is limited myself to a small selection of applications. Mostly to keep my phone out of my hair and allow it to be used for productive means.

Like I said above, many people don’t have a problem with having tons of games and such on their phones, but trust me, I have seen many people at work and school doing more Facebooking than pure work. That is why, on my iPhone games had to go.

I’ve limited myself to 15 apps plus the stock iOS apps that came with my iPhone. This is a pretty tough exercise to do, but here are my picks:

1. Reeder
2. TuneIn Radio Pro
3. Mog
4. OmniFocus
5. Instapaper
6. Kindle
7. Outliner
8. Notesy
9. IMDB (fastest way to shut down a co-worker on some movie related trivias)
10. You Need a Budget
11. Dropbox
12. 1Password
13. Wikipanion
14. Tweetbot
15. Runkeeper

I know, I know. You may be saying, “I thought that you were all about being productive and cutting out things like Twitter, Mr. Minimal App Diet Man.” Well, yes that is true sort of, but I use Twitter to keep abreast of things in my industry and of course to share things myself. I consider it a guilty pleasure on my device and feel that it hasn’t interrupted my work flow like games or crappy apps have in the past. So it will stay for now.

Challenge yourself

So here is the deal. If you are feeling bogged down by your personal device because of the crazy 100 apps you have installed, take the time and identify what this device is actually for and better yet, what it isn’t for. This can help you narrow down your app selections so your device can stay out of the way of you being productive.

And hey, why don’t you list the 15 apps (other than stock apps that shipped with your phone) that you absolutely without any doubt must have to get your work and life done below?

Ringlight: Beauty vs. Flaws from Auzigog on flickr

was at the pool recently with my son when a stranger tapped me on the shoulder. “Your bathing suit top is on backwards,” she said. Embarrassed, I hurried to the restroom and put the suit on correctly. Was I glad this woman I didn’t know pointed out my mistake? Not particularly. I was actually a tad annoyed because she’d made me feel insecure. And who did she think she was, anyway?

Then there’s the time that I sent out pre-printed holiday cards and a casual friend asked if I knew that there was a typo on the card. I didn’t understand his need to point this out – if I knew about the error, then surely I was already feeling badly about it. If I didn’t know, then his alerting me to the typo wasn’t going to change the fact that the cards already went out and there was nothing I could do about it.

If They Aren’t Close, Mind Your Own Business

I believe that the only people with whom you are entitled to proactively bring up mistakes or flaws are your immediate family members, your best friends, and your direct reports. Everyone can improve, this is true, but these are the individuals who will most appreciate and value your desire to help them in that capacity. These are the individuals who can have a sense of humor about minor criticisms and take them in the spirit in which they are offered.

At Work, Do You Say it with Tact or Not at All?

In work situations, you risk alienating colleagues and/or managers when you point out their mistakes or flaws. For example, suppose your office-mate stutters a lot in group meetings. Should you bring it up to him? In my opinion, the answer is no. He probably can’t control his stuttering, and as tactful as you think you’re being, you’ll probably still hurt his feelings. If his manager wants to address it, that’s her prerogative.

Don’t Be Mr. or Mrs. Fix It

It’s not your responsibility to ensure perfect conduct the part of your colleagues, so even if you have an obsessive attention to detail or feel morally outraged about an issue, let it go. Unless your action can keep a grievous mistake from occurring in the first place, it’s not worth the potential damage to your reputation.

I sense that some of you might find fault with this point of view. So let’s open the forum – what do you think?

Alexandra Levit is a career and workplace expert at the Intuit Quickbase Blog , a daily source for advice on how to be exceptional at your job. You can follow her on Twitter at @alevit.

Thanks to the explosion in popularity of shopping at online marketplaces like eBay, Etsy, adflyer, Folksy and others, small retailers and home businesses are now able to sell their goods to customers around the world.

If you’ve got a home business selling anything from handmade jewelry or vintage clothes to pet accessories, chances are you’ve already dabbled with an online store at the major English language online marketplaces like eBay. But have you considered expanding beyond English?

There are nearly two billion people online worldwide, but only around 34 million are native English speakers – and the vast majority of online shoppers require information in their native language before making a purchase. That means if you’re only selling online in English, you’re reaching less than 2% of your potential online audience!

Here’s how you can get a greater slice of those international markets…

1) Look into foreign online shopping platforms

eBay is undoubtedly the world’s biggest online marketplace for small retailers, with 38 localized versions for all the main European and Asian ecommerce countries, and it makes a great starting place for international versions of your online store.

However, there are also other popular online marketplaces in different countries, which are worth looking into. Taobao is China’s largest online marketplace, generating an annual turnover of more than $80 billion USD. It operates similar to eBay, and there’s also a thriving economy of Chinese consultants helping foreign businesses to sell via Taobao.

Likewise, PriceMinister is the most popular online marketplace in many European countries, and MercadoLibre has established itself as the ‘eBay of Latin America’. It’s worth doing a little online research before entering a foreign market to find out where people are shopping.

2) Get your sales pitch properly translated

The key difference with foreign online marketplaces, of course, is language – eBay España is in Spanish, eBay Portugal is in Portuguese, etc. This means that you’ll need to get your shop and product descriptions translated into these languages by a professional.

Online machine translation programs ought to be sufficient to understand incoming orders, or to create your profile in the first place, but they’re not accurate enough to be trusted for your sales pitch – incorrect terminology or bad spelling and grammar will destroy a potential client’s view of your trustworthiness.

3) Set your prices for the local market

Before you jump in with an online store for Taobao or MercadoLibre, though, it’s worth checking what price you can charge for your goods in the local economy, and whether that will present enough of a margin to make it profitable.

One of the major barriers to shoppers around the world buying from foreign stores is the comparatively high prices, created either by high exchange rates or differing local product values. For instance, the current strength of the Australian dollar means that it’s often cheaper for Australian shoppers to purchase goods from foreign online shopping sites and pay for the shipping than it is for them to buy locally. Conversely, small Australian retailers are finding it hard to sell overseas without dramatically reducing their prices.

By looking at the exchange rates and the prices set by your competitors in foreign markets, you’ll get a good idea for potential profit margins. Even if the profit margin is small, you may find over time that the sheer quantity of goods sold makes up for the lower prices – or you may gradually whittle your international efforts down to just a few foreign stores.

4) Be aware of foreign payment systems

The second major barrier for online shoppers is payment systems – if you only accept credit or debit card payments, but your customers in China don’t use credit cards and prefer to pay by Alipay, then you’re going to see a lot of abandoned shopping carts. Before launching your online store, it’s worth doing some online research, or purchasing market reports from consultancies like Econsultancy or yStats, to figure out which payment systems you’ll need to offer for each country.

5) Research postage and shipping carefully

The last step to ensuring profitability and practicality is making sure that you can actually ship your goods to the foreign countries in question, and at a cost which won’t price your goods out of reach for the locals. How reliable is the local postal service? What postage options can you offer to make your products trustworthy and attractive for local consumers? Indeed, would it be cheaper to ship your goods en masse to the country in question and employ a local agent to post purchased items locally?

These are all questions you need to consider before going multilingual across foreign online marketplaces – but the potential for new sales vastly outweighs the hassles of making your home business international.

Source: Common Sense Advisory

Christian Arno is the founder of professional translation agency Lingo24, and a regular industry pundit on the foreign language internet. Launched in 2001, Lingo24 now has over 150 employees spanning three continents and clients in over sixty countries, including the likes of MTV and World Bank. Follow Lingo24 on Twitter: @Lingo24.

Every family encounters a situation where the actions or inaction of a particular family member has a negative effect on the rest of the group. These issues are difficult to resolve because families are a fragile and complex unit.

Because of the complexity, people have to be sensitive and compassionate when dealing with family issues. The family has to come together, discuss the issues and come up with a solution that takes into account the needs of the family member at the center of the issue and the needs of the rest of the family. Otherwise, missteps can result in the division of the family unit and years of emotional bitterness.

Stage 1: Group

Creating a group

Make sure to involve everyone who is suitable and capable of offering help. Otherwise, the group will run the risk of leaving resources on the table and exclude family members who have a vested interest in the process and outcome.

It is best to avoid the following people when forming a group:

• Ex-spouses
• Estranged relatives
• People who are immersed in family politics
• Aggressive personality types
• People with personal agendas

Commitments

It is important to make certain commitments during the planning process.

These include:

• To avoid passing judgment on the person in question
• To be compassionate during every step of the process
• To avoid personal agendas

Stage 2: Questions

The group has to answer some key questions before any planning can take place.

These include:

• Why have we gathered?
• How is this issue affecting the group?
• How has this issue manifested itself?
• Why do people want to see this issue confronted and resolved?
• What are people’s intentions?
• What are we hoping to achieve by working together?
• What do you consider a successful outcome?

It takes time and compromise, but everyone needs to enter the process with the same objectives.

Stage 3: The Planning Sessions

Indeed, three factors decide when, and if a plan will be implemented, including a timeline, milestones to measure progress and a regular inventory of resources.

Having a person agree to the solution and then not being able to deliver on the promises of support and resources, will result in a loss of trust and a fracturing of family unity.

Other issues to consider when developing a plan:

· Location for meeting with the family member

· Individual commitments

· Communication between group members

· Available Resources

• Friends
• Programs
• Money

Stage 4: The Agenda

The Agenda will guide the group during their meeting with the relative.

It includes:

• Statement of Love and Support
• The intention of the meeting
• Solutions
• Plan of Action
• Possibility of Failure
• Agreement

It is a systematic run down of everything that the group has discussed and agreed upon. Also, leave enough room on the agenda to make notes and make changes to agenda items during the confrontation.

Stage 5: The meeting

Opening Statement of Love and Support

Begin the conversation with a statement that demonstrates the group’s commitment to helping the person in question

Intention of the Meeting

Ask for everyone’s cooperation and make it clear that everyone has a right to be heard without interruption. Also, remind everyone of the importance of the meeting and how it is in everyone’s best interest to act in a polite and considerate manner.

Solutions

Review the agenda at the start of the meeting and summarize the process, debate and hard work that led everyone to this meeting.

List solutions and review the proposed timelines for these solutions. Permit extended pauses between points to allow for positive and negative feedback and commit to addressing them during the meeting.

Adapting Solutions

Discussion and debate will reveal new information and the group has to adapt to any drastic revelations. Nevertheless, the process from beginning to end has to be democratic, so that everyone adheres to the decisions made by the group.

Also, allow the relative to contribute their own resources, including supportive friends, medical or work support.

Be Supportive without Surrendering

Be attentive to any aggression or negativity on either side and do not let the group splinter. A loss of unity will allow the relative to question the groups commitment and the validly of their concerns.

In periods of heightened tension, the more self aware, mindful and respected people in the group have to step forward to manage the situation.

Take breaks and regroup. Everyone involved will need to be reassured of the purpose of the meeting.

Negative Outcome

Every family and situation is unique, so even the best intentions and hard work might end in failure. In extreme cases, the group might decide to ostracize the individual, use medical intervention or take legal action.

Agreement

Once the group has reached a consensus, an amended Master Agenda will act as a contract between everyone involved.

Every individual will commit him or herself to the agreement and guarantee they will do their part to fulfill the contract.

Taking on family issues is no different from any other complex problem that a community might face. The group must find a common ground and draw on each other’s strength to find solutions. Ultimately, committing themselves to a common purpose.

Philip Viana works as a Financial Adviser for a bank in Canada. He is
hard at work developing the formula to a meaningful, mindful and happy
life. He writes about productivity, financial advice, technology, and
lifestyle at Burnthenegative.com or at his about.me page.

As a Lifehacker, you must be attuned to the changing trends in the workplace. The uncertainties in the U.S economy put into question the idea of a “stable job”. You might be also more keen on pursuing portfolio careers or perhaps setting up a business in lieu of the traditional climb-the-corporate-ladder career path.

The only way for you to cope with a changing workplace is for you to leave your desk and meet people who can help you attain whatever you want from your career – with or without the threat of recession.

So, the best career investment that you can do now is to go to networking events. This will give you a chance to meet corporate executives and entrepreneurs who can give you job leads, serve as your mentors and/or become your business partners.

1. Be selective

Some events are worth it, some are just useless, you need to choose the networking event which is aligned with your goal. Choose an event where you can find the experts in your field and/or where you have a higher chance of meeting your potential employers.

Do your research first – surf the net for information about the event and ask your friends and colleagues for feedback on the networking events they have went to themselves.

2. Have clear, well-defined goals

List down what you want to get out of this networking event and then make your own schedule that will meet your goals.

For instance, Rossana Llenado, founder of online tutorial company Ahead Interactive (AI), invests on attending networking events as this helps her in building her business. So despite her initial concerns on cost and spending time away from her four kids in Manila, Llenado left for California to attend the four-day convention of the International Association of Business Communicators (IABC) in San Diego.

Llenado went to IABC conference and participated in the workshops and met up with business contacts in the U.S.. This is in line with her goal to put AI as one the world’s premier provider of online tutorial services. She came home, with a lot of ideas on how to expand AI’s reach and is now busy fine tuning her operations.

3. Build relationships

Instead of indiscriminately handing out and collecting business cards, use networking events to meet and establish long-term relationships with potential employers or business partners. Networking organizers advise that you focus on making “meaningful connections” with few people – those who have the right vibe and you’re comfortable working with.

You also need to avoid being too aggressive, asking questions like “so do you have any job openings?” or “are you interested to buy my products?”

This will turn off a lot of people – hard selling won’t sell here. Just be cool and discuss with them your common interests and goal. Exchange business cards and keep those contacts “warm” by sending e-mails or inviting them for coffee where you can discuss your proposal.

4. Pay it forward

Go to the networking events with the mindset that you will bring value to the table – and not to pass around your resume and sell your products.

Yes you can find job leads in networking events – but not on one go. You need to establish trust and confidence among the people that you meet in these events. When approaching someone, you need to consider how your skills and interests can help in solving his/her business problem.

5. Treat networking as a career investment

Going to these events is not cheap. You need to invest both time and money, and the cost gets higher if the event is being held overseas.

You need to discern the difference between value and cost. If the $1,000 you spend going to networking events will bring you triple that amount either in terms of business revenues or career promotion, then the event will have paid for itself.

That said, if you’re broke or had to get a second mortgage just to attend the event then you better skip it, and save for it so you can go there in the future. Besides, a high price tag will not necessarily mean that is of high value – to you. Many people spend money to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos. It is a high value event for many people, but do you think going to Davos will help you attain your specific career goals?

Whatever career path you want to pursue, everything in the end will boil down to having solid relationships with present and future colleagues and partners. While social networking sites may have helped in expanding your work and social circles, meeting people face to face will build trust and confidence that will pave the way to better opportunities.

About the author: Prime Sarmiento is a long time journalist and content marketing strategist for online tutorial company Ahead Interactive - provider of live, real-time, video-powered tutorials. You can follow her writing tips in twitter.

From magnusfranklin on flickr

I was still in bed when I heard that big bang this morning. Since I already heard that similar type of sound a few times this year, I knew that it was another fender-bender of a car crash outside.

My house faces a street intersection that can get quite busy during rush hours even though at other times, the traffic is quite low to moderate. Fortunately, my house is separated from the main street not only by a pedestrian sidewalk but also a steel fence, garden area and a front lane. So the traffic is still quite a distance from my front door.

I went to the window of my home office which faces the street and sure enough, there was a car stopped just past the intersection and another one that was actually off the road right on the corner pedestrian sidewalk area. This second car must have been hit with enough force to send it off the

road. Fortunately, no pedestrians were on that corner at that time. If this was during the school year, this could have been very different.

What amazes me is that this is about the fourth or fifth such traffic accident at the same intersection this year. It’s usually when one car is trying to beat the traffic lights and another one is turning into the intersection. The times of these car accidents are always either morning or evening rush hours.

Always in a rush is a symptom of poor time management

The drivers of the speeding vehicles who tried to outrun the yellow (or even red) lights were likely in a rush to get somewhere. They are the ones who feel extra frustrated especially when it seems that each time they approach a traffic light, it’s turning amber or red. I know the feeling because I’ve been late for appointments on the road too (although not recently).

The need to rush somewhere especially during rush hours is a symptom of poor time management. These folks just did not factor in adequate extra time needed either in the morning or right after work when traffic is the heaviest.

Some time management tips to avoid the need to rush

Since I’ve been down this road before so to speak, I’ve learned a few things to avoid the need to rush. Here are some useful tips.

1. Factor in additional travel time in the morning, especially during snow days if you live in winter zones
2. Wake up earlier in the morning and go to bed earlier the night before so you are alert
3. Prepare as much as possible during the night by setting out your work materials and wardrobe (do this for kids too)
4. If possible, schedule appointments and travel outside of rush hours
5. Relax during driving knowing it’s better to arrive late and safe in one piece
6. Enjoy music or an educational audio while driving
7. Do not try to beat the traffic lights and drive defensively especially through intersections

As far as I know, none of the car accidents outside my home this year resulted in any loss of life but there have been injuries requiring ambulances and vehicles requiring tow trucks. I’m sure that we have all seen on the TV news, other accidents where the circumstances were much worse.

These types of fender-benders, as with most car accidents, are totally preventable. If only individuals learn not to be in so much of a rush, a lot of damage, injuries and grief could be avoided. This is always a very expensive lesson for those who were the offending drivers as they not only put themselves at risk, but also other innocent drivers, passengers and pedestrians in danger.

We have all heard that by improving our time management habits, we will become more productive. But now we also know that better time management in terms of advance preparation can also possibly save lives and limbs.

Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author & Karate World Champion based near Toronto, Canada. Get his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series on how to expand your comfort zone and finally conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

I’m blissfully basking in my productive flow; last week was spent de-cluttering. From the cellar to the attic; it all got the treatment. The mice no longer have a place to hide and the dust mites go hungry. After a spout of qualifying for numerous awards such as good housekeeper of the year, most generous charity donor and recycling Queen, the clear house, office and mind give way to positive things. Firstly I feel good, I feel light, clear and in control, but more importantly in one way or another getting organized and taking control leads to a more productive and creative me.

Step 1: De-clutter your space

The week prior to my eclectic productive state, I was low, I had fallen off the wagon, my creative juices were absent and I had forgotten what were the productivity beliefs I wholeheartedly agreed to. But then there was a shift. It started by revisiting my goals. I reminded myself of the things that I want from my life. I thought of the goals that excite me; the ones that challenge me and I repeated to myself all the reasons why I want to achieve them.

Step 2: Remind Yourself of your Goals

Next I took restock of my positive habits, the yoga and meditation that calm and clear my mind, the exercise that invigorates me, and the healthy food that nourishes my body. I do have good habits but it wasn’t always this way.

My youth was chaotic. I liked to refer to the chaos as spontaneity and I clung to this title for many years feeling like it represented my “Libertad”. Throughout the years and with each additional offspring I reluctantly adopted routines and habits to help assist me with my parenting, then gradually in my career and throughout my life.

Step 3: Re-engage Positive Habits

What I discovered was that spontaneity and living life without the structure of routines may be fine when backpacking across Australia but try to run a household, a business, have meaningful relationships, study, write, exercise, meditate with this attitude. And that’s just Monday’s tasks!

I’m afraid I only know one way, and that way involves systems, routines and good positive habits!

Go with the Flow

Please don’t get me wrong. If opportunity comes knocking and the change to do something out of the routine, away from the norm, I’ll go all in and happily break the routine to feel the freedom and wind in my hair. Having children can regularly induce this state of non-conformity; I make my plans and set my goals and BAM! Someone is sick and needs their mama. Or someone is bored and needs a playmate. Or someone is naughty and invades ones workspace.

These are the times you use Branson’s words and say, “screw it let’s do it” and I get an opportunity to be spontaneous again.

So what am I saying?

I’m saying it’s ok to break the rules and go with the flow of the moment, but then what? Then jump right back on that wagon with your goals set and your positive habits installed. It’s a lot easier to get back on track after life throws a curve-ball or a little marble of interruption in your day when you have your goals and habits to support you. Strive for your goals but don’t forget to be present and smell the roses every once in awhile. This will ensure that you achieve what you want to achieve as well as enjoy the journey.

In Summary: Productivity Slump Reversal

1. De-clutter. A clean sweep will always get things going in the right direction.

2. Remind yourself of your goals and why you want to achieve them.

3. Re-engage positive habits that support and encourage you.

Life is the journey people, don’t forget to enjoy each day.

Ciara Conlon is a Personal Productivity Coach and author. Her mission is to help people achieve their best through working efficiently and being positive and present. “With Productivity and Positivity there is little you can’t achieve” Find out more about Ciara and sign up for her tips, articles and links at Productivity & Positivity

For the past 5 and a half years I have gained interests in several different disciplines and topics. I like playing guitar, gaming, writing, creating and designing websites, programming, biking (bicycling, Harley dudes.), understanding economics, science, and math. I’ve come to find out that I am pretty good at some of these things, yet with most I am mediocre at best.

And because of this I start to talk myself out of everything that I have any ideas about.

The Inner Critic

Let me introduce you to someone. Her name is the critic, and if you are a knowledge worker or creative you know her quite well. She is the one that pipes up and tells you that you aren’t very good at something and because of that you should give up on everything.

Sound familiar?

The inner critic is something that we all experience and can lead talented and creative individuals to give up on their ideas without even trying them.

Personally, I have been visited by the critic too many times to count. And many of those times she has stopped me dead in my tracks on some idea about a website, article, or piece of software that I would like to create. Remember, the critic is sneaky; not only will she try to stop you dead in your tracks and force you to give up, she will sneak her way into your plans and and todo lists in the form of non-clarified next actions, forcing you to procrastinate on your goals and dreams.

Luckily there are some ways that you can battle the Inner Critic and take over.

1. Define exactly what you want to accomplish – also what you don’t want to accomplish
   There is nothing worse than having a project or goal that is poorly defined. The Inner Critic loves this kind of “amorphous blog of undoability” and with it tells you that, “you don’t even really know what you want in ‘life/project x/goal x’, therefore you might as well give up”.Instead, identify exactly what being done looks like and also what is outside of the scope of what you are trying to accomplish. This will ease your mind and allow you to accept that you can actually get something done.
2. Share your thoughts with others
   One of the fastest ways to shut down the Inner Critic is to run your ideas and dreams by others. There is something about getting out of your own head; it allows you to more clearly see what you are trying to accomplish as you get instant feedback from a third-party.This type of response can prove to you that you ideas are actually good and that you can do something with them.
3. Make constant progress
   There is nothing that the Inner Critic hates more than you actually progressing on your dream projects and goals. This type of action turns into a snowball effect where you can’t help but finish what you have started.If what you are doing is something creative, make sure to allot a certain amount of time per day to the task. No matter what give yourself this time and move forward on your project.
4. Write, journal, diary, mindmap
   This sort of goes back to the idea of getting things out of your head. A plan that isn’t defined or at least out of your head is doomed to fail. Writing things down can help you clarify what you are trying to accomplish and can subsequently help you find what you need to do next.Also, writing every once in a while about your fears of what you are doing (or not doing) will help keep the Inner Critic at bay and allow you to concentrate on the tasks at hand.
5. Iterate
   If you can’t seem to accomplish your tasks or keep thinking that you don’t have the skills to do so, then split them up even further, accomplish a small portion, and then come back to the next part later. Also, instead of making something perfect right-off-the-bat, make it good and then come back to it again and make it better. Keep doing this until you have accomplished what you were set out to do.Iterating in the manner can help you stave off procrastination and fear as you finish your project in smaller increments and with less stress.

The Inner Critic can take hold of your internal talk and make you think that you are not good enough. Just remember that it has nothing to do with being “not good enough” and everything to do with not giving yourself the support that you need to move towards accomplish what you need and want to get done in your life. Use these 5 tricks to shut down the Inner Critic at first blush and move towards getting things done.

Do you remember the story about the new prisoner on the block?   He is settling in nervously on the first night of his sentence, when he hears a series of numbers yelled out, each one followed by raucous laughter from his fellow inmates.   Nervously, he asks his cell-mate what is going on.   The cell-mate replies, “That’s the lifers, they have been in here so long that they have heard all of each others’ jokes, so rather than telling the joke, to save time they just shout out the joke’s number.”  If your friends and family could tell this joke to describe how you talk about your relationship issues, you might want to read this post.

But seriously, breaking up is hard to do and inspires procrastination in the best of us.   The writing may have been on the wall for months or even years, yet the exit out of a relationship can be a painstakingly slow process.  Even without marriage and children in the mix, wrestling with the dilemma of when to hold and when to fold is often painful.

There are times when it may be blindingly obvious to everyone around you that it’s time to walk away, yet you still need to come to your own conclusion. The exception to this rule is if there is any kind of violent or abusive behavior taking place. In this case you need to get help and get yourself away and to safety immediately.

Loyalty, commitment and a willingness to work through difficult times are all valuable qualities to bring to any relationship but it’s good to be aware that these virtues can also sometimes work against us and cause us to prolong the suffering by clinging to a relationship long after it has ceased to be good for us.  At times like this it’s great to have kind and patient friends who can support you along the way.   But most important, is to give yourself some space and time to really explore what you are thinking and feeling.   As one of my wise friends says,

“You’re not done ‘til you’re done and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, because only when you know you’re done will it really be over and when you’re done, you’ll know it.”

Sometimes it’s helpful to ask yourself a series of questions. Journaling your responses may allow you to go deeper still, in search of the clarity you need.   Here are some to start you off.

1)   What am I afraid of?

Get really honest with your answers here, – some of the most common are,  the fear of being alone, fear of what other people will think and fear of making a mistake.

2)   Are those realistic fears?

Once you have listed your fears, go through the list one by one and ask yourself how realistic they are.

3)   If I wasn’t scared that x,y,z might happen– what would I do?

Next, taking each fear in turn, ask yourself how your course of action might be influenced if this fear wasn’t a factor.

4)   Am in love with this person, or the person I wish they were? (aka The Imaginary Boyfriend)?

This questions deals with the perennial problem of falling in love with the potential.

5)   If I could get an email from myself ten years from now, what advice might it have?

This is another good trick to get a different perspective on the problem and to get in touch with the inner wisdom we all have. My thanks to Havi Brooks for inspiring this one with her dialogues with her “slightly future me”.

6)   Is this relationship bringing out the best in me?

Take a look at the person you have become in relation to who you were before. Do you like the comparison?

7)   Have I given my best? 

It’s always easier to come to closure when you can honestly say that you gave it 100%.

8)   Should it be this much work?

What does this relationship add to your quality of life?

9)    Do I make excuses for or justify my partner’s behavior towards me?

Your friends and family will be able to fill you in here.

10)   How would I feel about my little sister/brother/daughter/son being in this situation?

This one may surprise you, it’s often a little shocking to see the standards we will tolerate for ourselves compared to what we think the people we love deserve.

11)    What have I learned from this relationship?

What have you learned about what works and what doesn’t work for you?

12)     What haven’t I learned from this relationship?

Where are you stuck?

13)      Is this a familiar pattern?

Have you seen this all before?  What do you need to do to take responsibility for doing it differently from now on?

14)      Have I honestly expressed what it is that I want without trying to hide my vulnerability or blaming or judging?

It’s hard to ask for what we really want when we are scared we won’t get it but everyone deserves the opportunity to hear requests kindly and clearly.

15)      Do I think I can love this person in the way they deserve to be loved?

Let’s turn the tables for a second, can you give your partner everything they have a right to receive?

16)      If this is all there is, will it be enough?

It’s a great test to ask whether if nothing changes. Could you really be happy with this person?

 17)      If I weren’t angry, how would it change things?

When we have had our needs unmet for a while, resentment can build to the point of rage and obscure rational thought.

18)  If I forgave my partner, what difference would it make?

To err is human, but to forgive is divine.  One of my favorite quotes says that refusing to forgive is like continually drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.   If your partner has done something or many things that have hurt you, ask yourself what might happen if you gave them a fresh slate?

19)  If I forgave myself what difference would it make?

Self-compassion can be a wonderful vehicle for growth and clarity, if yesterday didn’t exist at all, would you still feel the way you do?

 20)     If today was my last – would I regret ending or not having ended the relationship more?

Finally, this question raises the stakes a little and challenges any sense of complacency.  It can give you a real sense of perspective, by asking how you might do things differently if you knew you wouldn’t have another chance.

Try these questions out or add and subtract your own and don’t forget to trust your inner knowing.  Deep down, you know what’s best for you.

Good Luck.

Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years’ experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.

Bad Habits Can Ruin Conversations

Why didn’t he call me back?  Why didn’t she laugh at my joke?  Why don’t they want to hang out again?

Do you ever get the feeling that maybe something you did or said sabotaged your conversation (or worse, your relationship!?).

In a perfect world, we could all take the Conversation Skills Assessment Aggregator 2000 and it would spit out a printed analysis of our entire communication profile.  It would detail our every strength and weakness, our every good and bad habit, and even our conversation style.  Maybe it would even make polite suggestions for you in a British accent.

Luckily, you have a good friend who always advises you on your conversation habits.  Oh, you don’t?  Neither do I.  If we are making a conversation mistake, most of us will never find out.  People will just choose not to talk to us as much.  You may not think anything of it.

You may not have a friend or a machine that can politely make suggestions, but there are very common conversation mistakes you can look out for. With a little self reflection and self awareness, you can at least ensure that you are not damaging your conversations and relationships any further.

Let’s look more closely at four of the bad habits:

1. Are You a Parrot?

Do you find yourself just paraphrasing or repeating what the other person said?  If they say, “that was a cool movie!” do you say, “Yeah, that was a really cool movie!”?  Parrots act like they are having a conversation, but in reality, they rarely actually offer anything substantive.  Parrots rely on echoing and paraphrasing others.

Suggestion:  If you find yourself just echoing what they are saying, try to offer substantive opinions or observations as well.

2. Are You an Energy Vampire?

You may have fascinating stories and opinions to share, but if your energy cannot support the comments, people may find you hard to listen to.  Lacking energy or emotion when you talk can ruin your conversation faster than almost any other bad habit.   Good conversation is alive; good conversation flows with energy between the conversationalists.   If you are not adding to the flow of energy, then you are probably subtracting from it.

Suggestions:  Think of your voice as a roller coaster ride for your listeners.  Are you creating a flat, boring ride?  Try to make your roller coaster ride enjoyable for your particular audience; add some vocal drops, some inclines, and vary your speed.  Vary your inflections and emphasize key words as well.

Also, record your voice in private.  In fact, re-read this section in your normal voice and play it back.  If you have never recorded yourself before, you’ll be surprised by what you hear!

3. Are You a Predictable Talker?

The Predictable Talker lives in the serious and literal world.  If they get up to use the restroom, and you ask them where they are going, they will always respond, “to the restroom.”  Everything they say is predictable; they’ll never surprise you with something unexpected.  In contrast, a Playful Talker may respond to that question with a number of unpredictable playful responses.  For example, “I thought I’d leave you with the bill,” or “I’m going to pickup that girl,” or “I’m trying to escape.”  The best conversation is playful and unpredictable; Predictable Talkers have trouble playing!

Suggestion:  Train your mind to start considering the unexpected responses.  Next time someone asks you a question or makes a comment, mentally think about what response would be unexpected or unpredictable (within reason!).  Once in a while, try one of these unexpected comments and see how you do.  You may surprise yourself.

4. Are You a Conversation Narcissist?

Conversation Narcissists love nothing more than to talk about themselves.  The only reason they ask the other person a question like, “How was your weekend?” is so they can circle it back around to them again, “that’s nice…let me tell you about what happened to me…” They rarely inquire seriously about the other person or ask follow up questions.

Suggestion:  This is easy to fix, be genuinely interested in the other person.  When someone tells you something, keep the focus on them, ask follow up questions, recall previous comments the person said, etc.

Geoff Peart, M.Ed., is the author of the blog, mysocialupgrade.com, where people can learn how to improve their social skills and their lives. All of the content is free and updated weekly.