Jose Gonzalez, one of my Blog Mastermind members, came to me with an interesting topic he wanted to discuss in a guest post for this blog.

A couple of years ago Jose wrote a book titled How To Get Over Your Ex and he invested over 12 months in education and became a certified NLP practitioner. He’s well equipped to offer advice in this area, so if you’re suffering emotionally right now, but you don’t want your business to suffer too, read the following article by Jose…

*****

For me, The New Year started with a shock. Something went wrong in my relationship. My fiancé decided that she’d had enough of me being too wrapped up in trying to make a living on-line and not spending enough time in The Present. It was over.

In the space of a heartbeat, my hope-filled plans for the coming months were dashed away in a wave of nausea, replaced with a hollow emptiness and a feeling of disbelief that I couldn’t quite shake off.

The tinsel, the flashing lights, the snow-topped tree… suddenly all of it felt ridiculous and false in this new silence.

Ironically, I finally found myself in The Now, unable to escape it.

But it wasn’t just The Now that felt hollow…

My blog’s rocketing readership, my up-and-coming best selling e-books, my sales letters’ improved conversions… all the things that I’d been hoping the future was going to deliver in answer to my blood, sweat and tears, suddenly meant next to nothing.

Because now I had nobody to share those successes with.

And then things got worse…

Nothing is more disrupting to your productivity than a personal upset. It’s almost impossible to run efficiently when you’re low on self-esteem, full of negativity and hurting.

Being severed from my significant other, I found myself burning emotional energy at an alarming rate: I was trapped inside my own repetitive thoughts, in a vicious daily cycle of gloom and misery.

And I couldn’t get anything done.

They say time is money. I say time is the only currency. And I was loosing time at a rate that I just couldn’t afford. Like every other business owner and home worker, I don’t have a pay check guaranteed at the end of the month.

I borrowed money to stay afloat, took a loan, put it on the card… took a little more, just to keep me going… and before long I was in serious debt.

And then, I hit rock bottom.

In hindsight, that was a good thing, because that’s when I finally made a decision to take some action, to do something – anything – to get out of the mess I was in.

Two years on and a book later I’m here to give you all the hindsight you need, because if this is happening to you right now, then your business is about to take a dive… unless you act very quickly. Moreover, if you don’t have the good fortune of having built a cash reserve of at least three months… you’re going to need a way to stay focused on your money tasks until you’re more equipped to deal with your breakup.

So Where Is The handle?

We’ve all seen the movie where the bridge collapses, the ship sinks or the skyscraper burns. Everybody panics and makes for the exit.

Everybody except the hero.

The hero always remains calm in the face of adversity.

We all know the script: those who ‘loose it’ fail. So you’re going to have to become the hero of this story. You don’t have much of a choice.

So how does the hero remain calm?

The simple trick to remaining calm can be summed up in one state: detachment.

Disciplining yourself to remain detached from the situation when your feelings are in turmoil seems and feels wrong. We are emotional beings after all. Nonetheless, reality is often harsh, and in this case you’re going to have to exercise Damage Control if you want to protect your business and your short-term financial future.

If you ‘loose it’ now, you could well find yourself stacking shelves in your local supermarket – not a bad place to start, but not the ideal place to end.

Right now, you need a plan: a blueprint, ’cause right now ‘you ain’t thinkin straight’, and having a set of steps to follow removes the ‘thinking’ out of any task.

If you don’t already work to a schedule of some sort, your best investment right now is to come up with one, fast. It doesn’t mater how detailed it is – your aim is to create a trail of breadcrumbs to follow in order to get you from one end of the day to the other without having to task your mind any more than it already is right now. Leaving room to think will only lead you to getting sidetracked by the inevitable distractions you’re going to be facing.

Essentially, your goal is to divide your time into 2 sections: work and downtime.

Work time is going to take up the most productive part of the day. Right now you’re probably not feeling very productive, but you’re going to put yourself through the motions anyway. Immerse yourself in your tasks and stay focused. Head down, and come up for air only when you need to.

Downtime is going to consist of various stages, but the ones we’re interested in are:

• emotional time
• reflection time
• learning time
• action time

The terminology is interchangeable – reflection time can be recovery time and so on. These categories are merely labels for different emotional states. The point is to become aware of – and expect – them, rather than committing them to memory.

• Think of emotional time and reflection time as ‘natural’ processes. Within these processes you may experience regret, sorrow, anger and other emotions, at varying degrees.
• Learning time and action time on the other hand are processes that you’re going to add to the mix. These are going to be ‘Damage Control’ items that will help you steer the direction of things. It puts you in control.

A relationship breakdown is not a thing you want to dwell on forever, but you do need to extract as many lessons as you can from this event if you’re going to improve who you are in any way. Not doing so is a wasted opportunity to become a better person, and you run the risk of making the same mistakes again in the future.

Education is the key: develop ‘The Self’

The turning point for me was embarking on a learning curve that took me on a journey across behavioral psychology, philosophy and NLP.

My big take-away was that it’s just as important to gain an education in this area as it is in any other area of your business or life that you want to improve, or at least get a handle on. It’s that simple: if you want to fix something quickly and efficiently, learning how to fix it is the fastest way to do it.

You don’t have to embark on an epic quest to find yourself, but investing a little time each Downtime on your education will move you in the right direction much faster than waiting around for time to do its job (and the latter comes without a guarantee).

Education is anything that helps you deal with your situation, including:

• self-help books
• audio programs
• seminars
• self-help groups
• therapy
• anything else that helps you

Since you’re going to have downtime anyway, use this time to immerse yourself in reflection and glean everything that you can from your experience. As you shift from the early stages of your breakup into a more reflective state, make the most out of this learning opportunity.

The alternative is simply downtime with no learning: the most unproductive of all. If you wait for time to heal you, you’re taking a gamble and the longest available route.

The worst thing you can do is fall into depression and engage in negative habits, such as over drinking. Once sure way to do this is by standing still and wallowing in your misery for longer than you have to.

Easier said than done, I realize, but nobody said this is easy.

You can learn from my mistakes…

To help you stay focused and efficient as you find your way over the coming days – or weeks – I’ve put together 7 key steps that will save you some time when it comes to planning. Use this guide to kick-start yourself back into action and focus on your business.

Each step comes with the seal of experience. Use them and tweak them if you must into whatever format works best for you.

Here are 7 Key Things You Can Do To Stay Focused and Productive During Your Breakup

1. Divide your time into 2 areas: schedule your emotional interrupts

Divide your day into 2 parts: work time and downtime. Separate in your mind the 2 areas and attach a meaning to each one:

• work time is when you work
• downtime is when you learn.

This sets up a mode of behavior for each part of the day, especially when you reinforce those meanings. Remember: moping is not allowed in work time.

2. Start your day like this, every day…

Start each day by asking yourself: what is the single most important – the highest value task – that I can do right now? (It’s probably not going to be moping). Stick to your most important task until it’s done, then repeat this process over and over.

This keeps you focused and productive.

3. Get all the ‘little’ tasks done too

Schedule single blocks of time to target all the small but important tasks in your to-do list – those little things that you never seem to get time to finish. Now you have time, so get them done. Work in blocks of 30-60 minutes, moving as fast as you can through each task whilst still producing a quality outcome.

This keeps you focused and productive.

4. If it’s not business, stay off the phone.

Don’t ring friends and whine about your situation, and don’t pick up the phone to friends that are ringing to hear you whine about your situation. Always excuse yourself. You have work to do and a mind to keep busy.

When you talk about how terrible you feel and how bad things are, your brain releases into your bloodstream the perfect combination of chemicals to match your mood. We run on emotions. If you don’t want to feel sad, don’t talk about sad things. Stop reinforcing negativity and don’t engage in gossip.

5. Stay away from the radio and control what you listen to!

The radio is full of songs about people breaking up, about lying, cheating and betrayal. There’s nothing more effective than a song from the past when it comes to rekindling your anguish. With music, you have anchors (mental connections) to many things good and bad. Instead of playing Russian roulette with your emotions, control what you listen to. Now’s the time to dig out that old favorite CD or playlist that energizes you.

This lowers the risk of upset.

6. Engage in new habits and routines

Do things differently. For instance, if you’re used to breaking for lunch and talking a stroll, then try something different. Try not to engage in routines that have an emotional attachment to your recent past and to your ex. Doing so will trigger familiar patterns. Break the patterns.

This lowers the risk of upset.

7. Use your downtime to completely unplug from work, and start learning

Feed your mind with new information to help you deal with your new situation. Read self-help books, listen to audios, watch seminars and video trainings. Work to improve yourself and you’ll discover a new better you at the other end of your journey.

Will you make mistakes? Yes you will make mistakes, but mistakes are opportunities to learn. Will you suffer? Yes, you will. But by taking control of yourself and your environment you can significantly minimize stress and distractions, and by taking control of your downtime and using this window to learn and develop yourself further, you will significantly accelerate your recovery and even improve yourself beyond your expectations.

If you need more help with your Downtime learning, consider my e-book How To Get Over Your Ex – a 7-Step System to help you move on and heal fast.

All the best for 2010.

Jose Gonzalez
NLP Certified Author
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com/clickbank/

Get your bonus copy of my book
“How To Start An Internet Business
& Make Your First $1,000 Online”
Download Here