Break out the Pepto Bismol…We’ve got a feeling you’re going to need it. In other signs of the Apocalypse, jilted lover Spencer Pratt is hawking a sex tape featuring him shucking the surgically-altered corn of his soon-to-be former wife Heidi Montag.

Heidi filed for divorce from ex-Hills co-star last month and the former couple’s union is expected to formally end on Valentine’s Day 2011. Nonetheless, the man behind rumors that nemesis Lauren Conrad once romped with Jason Wahler as the cameras rolled is wasting no time shopping freaky footage of Frankenbust in all her naked glory.

Spencer’s already offered the so-called Speidi Sex Tape to Vivid Entertainment — the company behind X-rated romps starring Paris Hilton, Mindy McCready, and even more recently Montana “Chippy D” Fishburne. Vivid boss Steve Hirsch had this to say: “I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag. We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.”

A source close to Spencer says that the alleged tape “makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur.”

“I’ve been making films since I was in the 7th grade,” Pratt told Us Magazine after the news began gaining momentum on the blogosphere Friday. “I’m looking forward to people seeing my directorial debut!”

Heidi has yet to respond to the sex tape claims, but as recently as Thursday, Montag was threatening legal action against her estranged husband after he revealed plans to write a tell-all book about their failed marriage.