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Bikes, mud and zero testosterone

Susan Greenwood gets downhill and dirty on a women-only mountain bike course in the French Alps

When it rains in Morzine it really means business. Locals probably don’t even have a word for “damp” in a vocabulary dominated by “torrential”, “downpour” and “total washout”. With nose pressed up against the misty window of the Kariboo cafe in neighbouring Les Gets, I survey the scene, latte in hand, and savour the smug satisfaction of being dry.

Strange, then, that two minutes later I find myself being hustled back on to my mountain bike and urged towards the chairlift. Rain doesn’t stop play, informs Jo Petterson, one of the pro downhill mountain bikers on hand for this week of female-only riding, it just means you get muddy. That’ll be why it’s called Dirtgirls, then.

The French Alps has long been a summer playground for mountain bikers, and the vast Portes du Soleil area is rightly regarded as the European epicentre of the sport. On the French side, along with Morzine and Les Gets, it encompasses the popular ski resorts of Avoriaz and Chatel, while also taking in the Swiss towns of Champéry, Morgins and Champoussin. The terrain is steep, the views – you’re near Mont Blanc – predictably humbling and the mountain biking little short of legendary.

Being a woman mountain biker can be quite challenging because you are pretty much guaranteed to be in the minority. Which makes arriving at Dirtgirls’ base for the week, Chalet Snion in the centre of Morzine, something of a revelation. Women outnumber men. The toilet seat is down. Conversation isn’t about the worst injury anyone has ever sustained and whether a video of the crash is on YouTube.

The women seated around the dinner table range from a jewellery designer to a chef, and while sizing me up for one of her fleet of Santa Cruz dual-suspension bikes, Dirtgirls’ creator, Sara Burdon, comments on my highlights. Camaraderie is established almost immediately. Gosh, I think as I trundle off to bed, ditching the testosterone and riding with girls is so much fun.

It’s not a sentiment I share the next day as I am unceremoniously spat off a corner on the infamous Pleney downhill track. At 3,300m long, with over 500m of vertical descent, it is a man-made lesson in facing your fears. Fionn Griffiths, the 2006 world downhill champion, decides it’s time for some cornering instruction. Seeking out a little-used track, she gets to work. And gradually, as the heavens open, the penny drops. Through a combination of patient demonstration and practice we start turning at speed against a backdrop of steaming mountains.

The Portes du Soleil marks out its mountain bike trails like its ski runs – head for a black and you had better have your wits about you. And like skiing, riding uphill is made a whole lot easier with the use of 13 bike-happy chairlifts. The bikes simply hang on the side and, after swaying rather precariously for the duration, are unhooked by lift attendants at the summit.

After the assault on the Pleney track we decide to ride some of the blue runs leading off the Les Chavannes lift in Les Gets. By now the mud is deep, the tree runs quite tight and the roots slippery. It is the sort of terrain I would usually try to avoid – even, shock horror, claiming my inferior strength as a reason I can’t ride it properly. This is not an option when you’ve watched four other women sail through the obstacles with style. It’s not really surprising I end up wrapped around a tree; that I get up for another go is.

By now the scenery is beginning to work its magic. Banked turns and a twisting single track pull us out on to sweeping open mountainside, giving us time to catch our breath before diving back into the fray, trails looping and plunging across the terrain like roller coasters. The coaches are constantly at our heels, offering advice to make us go faster, honing our style and providing support for shaky nerves.

My nerves are calming down by the time I’m on my second beer in the Crépu bar. Judging by the amount of mud on the floor, it’s a popular spot with Morzine’s mountain bikers. And there are a lot of them. While most ski resorts become ghost towns during the “off” season, Morzine is positively buzzing. Before dinner I head to the heated Olympic-sized outdoor pool and manage a length before cramp sets in. But thankfully nothing more arduous is planned for the evening than a three-course meal at the chalet, during which a fight erupts over who gets to eat the extra banoffee pie. Clearly “diet” is not a word female mountain bikers have much time for – nor is it one Sara at Dirtgirls factors into her menus.

The next day we are split into groups according to where we want to ride and – to put it bluntly – how good we are. High on my achievements the day before, I decide to follow Fionn and Jo to Chatel for some more lessons on the blue runs. A man flies over our heads across the valley attached to a zip wire confirming the dawning realisation that mountain bikers are not the only adrenalin junkies attracted here during the summer.

Halfway down we stop off at Chez Babette, a restaurant that has embraced fairy lights with enthusiasm and which, during the winter, you can ski into before being wrapped in faux fur blankets. We scramble up a scree slope and fill the doorway with helmets, pads and mud. Babette, the world’s most effervescent hostess, loves it. Refuelled, we drop down the valley, riding tiny bridges across rushing alpine rivers, the temperature falling every time we get close to them. I’m pretty sure the high five was invented for the end of a Portes du Soleil mountain bike run.

Back on the chairlift, bike swinging companiably to my right, I hear a rumble of thunder as clouds roll in. This time I know better than to think I’ll stay dry.

More fun for the girls on two wheels

Forest Freeride, Powys, Wales

These weekend courses in the Llanbrynmair forest are aimed at those with some experience of mountain biking who want to progress to the next level. They cover confidence at speed and the all-important cornering technique. Accommodation and bike hire can be arranged. The next course is 22-23 August, price £110.

• 01650 521301; forestfreeride.co.uk

Whistler Bike Park, Canada

This is where mountain biking gets serious. If you love life on full suspension, you will have to make the trip to Whistler at some point. Luckily Monday and Wednesday nights are women-only sessions, where females of all abilities can learn from experienced riders, guides and pros. If you want to push your riding, this is the place to be. A lift ticket plus the services of a guide costs from $27 (£15) a night until 7 September. Nights run from 6pm to 8pm.

• 00 1 604 904 8134; whistlerbike.com

Over the Bars Camp, Snowmass, Colorado

With pro riders and ex-racers on hand as instructors, your chances of going over the bars are pretty minimal. This five-day camp is aimed at intermediates and advanced riders, and spends two days honing fast downhill skills. But it also indulges your girly side with yoga and massage sessions. Prices from $1,200 (£729). The next camp is in June 2010.

• 00 1 208 709 8141; womensmountainbikecamp.com

Highlands and Islands Adventures, Cairngorms

As well as running women-only skills days in the Cairngorms, using the expertise of local rider Cat Shearer, Highlands and Islands will tailor any itinerary to remove the testosterone and add a bit of girly luxury. Prices and dates vary.

• 01463 239716; handiadventures.co.uk

• The next Dirtgirls (020 8123 5654; flowmtb.com) course runs from 15-22 August, and costs €800, including accommodation, breakfast and dinner, lift pass and transfers from Geneva

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Guide to British mountain biking

Susan Greenwood recommends her top UK routes for getting to grips with the sport


Guide to British mountain biking

Susan Greenwood recommends her top UK routes for getting to grips with the sport


Keep up, Lance!

The Tour de France starts this weekend, but its climax will come on an infamous peak that has become a rite of passage for cyclists. Tom Robbins saddles up

Sweat drips from my forehead onto the handlebars and evaporates at once. It’s 3.30pm, 42C, and I am struggling, one slow painful pedal stroke at a time, up the flank of Mont Ventoux, the “giant of Provence”, rising alone almost 2,000m above the surrounding plains. I feel dizzy, my stomach churns. I focus on reaching the next corner, only to find the reward waiting there is another, even longer, even steeper stretch of road. Another cyclist comes up behind and overtakes, saying quietly between big gasps: “C’est… trop … dur …”

Too hard indeed. Cycling is the toughest of all mainstream sports, and the Tour de France, which gets under way in earnest today, is its hardest event – a three-week, 3,500km (2,174-mile) endurance challenge. Crashes are common. Often competitors collapse with exhaustion at the end of a day’s stage – Eddy Merkx famously did so after winning the 14th stage of the 1970 Tour, a stage that ran from Gap to a certain Mont Ventoux.

Even deaths are not unknown. Francisco Cepeda and Fabio Casartelli both died during high-speed descents, while Tom Simpson, Britain’s most celebrated cyclist, suffered a heart attack and died by the side of the road close to the summit of a huge sunbaked French mountain. That was Ventoux, too.

The Tour is cycling’s pinnacle, and Ventoux is perhaps le Tour’s most infamous climb. It is “a monument to cycling”, says Jean-François Pescheux, the tour’s sporting director. “Ventoux overlooks no valley, leads nowhere,” wrote Paul Fournel, the French cyclist-philospher. “Its only purpose is to be climbed.”

Ventoux has featured in the race 13 times, but this year its role is bigger then ever. Usually, the mountain stages – where the greatest time gains and losses are possible – take place in the middle, but this year the ascent of Ventoux happens on the penultimate day of the whole race, with the cyclists transferred by train afterwards for the traditional curtain call on the Champs Elysées the next morning. This means that on the Tour’s 20th day, the leaders will be racing for overall victory up the slopes of Ventoux. “I expect them to go at each other hammer and tongs,” says Pescheux. “It’s the final throw of the dice.”

And so, this year more than ever, Ventoux is a place of pilgrimage for cyclists. On 20 July, 9,500 of them will ride L’Etape, a timed amateur event that follows the same route as stage 20 of the Tour, starting in Montélimar and climaxing, 167km later, at the top of Ventoux. The event was massively oversubscribed, not least because of the boom in cycling in the UK, but that doesn’t stop you recreating it yourself. And the surprising thing is that taking on this year’s ultimate cycling challenge can easily fit into a long weekend.

Last Friday I took a Eurostar to Paris after work (two hours, 15 minutes), then the following morning caught the TGV direct to Montélimar (just under three hours). I’d cycle on the Sunday, stay in the village of Bédoin at the foot of Ventoux, then ride the 40km downhill to Orange on Monday morning to catch the TGV direct back to Paris. Taking a bike on the train is easy, as long as you’ve pre-booked. There’s no need to dismantle or wrap it up as you would on a plane – on Eurostar you simply check it in an hour before departure and pick it up on the platform the other end; on the TGV you carry it on and off yourself.

But while the travel is easy, the logistics need thinking about. With no support car, you have to take everything with you on the bike. A change of clothes and a squirt of deodorant would be nice after a day in the saddle, but do you want to carry them all day? Instead I opt for so-called “credit card touring” – you buy everything you need along the way, and take nothing but a spare T-shirt, camera, and passport, leaving the bike unencumbered but for a small saddlebag. As I hadn’t spent much time training, I also packed every available pocket with the next best thing – a huge supply of energy bars and gels.

In Montélimar I meet my friend Reg, and we spend the afternoon mooching around the pretty pedestrianised old town and visiting some of the 15 nougat factories (thanks to the abundance of almonds, pistachios and lavender honey, this is the world capital of nougat). Possibly less of an enthusiast than me, Reg has turned up without a bike, but he manages to buy one in the town, and then we are free to indulge in one of cycling’s few wholly enjoyable elements, the eve-of-battle marathon of carbohydrate scoffing.

We set off at 7am, keen to get some miles under our belts before it gets too hot. The first couple of hours are glorious. We speed on deserted roads past vineyards and fields of lavender laid out in perfect rows. The morning mist hangs in the woods, lit up by shafts of sunlight. If we weren’t on a cycling trip, we’d still be in bed and would have missed it all.

We pass through the pretty stone villages of Taulignan and Rousset-les-Vignes just as they are starting to wake up, the boulangeries throwing open their shutters. It’s mellow, bucolic perfection but all the while the rocky bulk of Ventoux looms on the horizon. In St Jalle they are setting up a market under the shade of the trees. We wheel our bikes past the stalls, then start up towards the Col d’Ey, one of four mountain passes on the route. As we start to climb, the pain is dulled by the satisfaction of tangible progress over the obstacles in our route. At the top there are moments of light-headed glee, charged with potential energy. Then we whizz down the far side, a guilty pleasure because we know every metre we splurge on the cheap thrill of descent will have to be earned back on the next climb.

We stop in Buis-les-Baronnies, where tourists mill around clutching bundles of lavender, then again in the beautiful hillside villages of Aurel and Sault.

And then comes Ventoux. “Your eyes stay glued on your front wheel, and it’s your innards you’re staring at there,” wrote Fournel. “Ventoux simply feeds back your fatigue and fear. It has total knowledge of the shape you’re in, your capacity for cycling happiness, and happiness in general. It’s yourself you’re climbing. If you don’t want to know, stay at the bottom.”

Perhaps fearing a devastating moment of self-awareness, perhaps because he is “****ing ****ed!”, Reg stays at the bottom, in the bar. So I set off alone along the road that rises slowly at first, passes through the hamlets of St Colombe and Les Bruns, then enters the forest and starts to kick up savagely. I feel my face burning. I lose concentration and my hand slips off the bars, making me swerve into the gutter. I force myself to keep going, promising a break and another energy gel every 45 minutes. Little encouragements take on huge significance – a cyclist flying down in the other direction shouts “Good Luck!” Names of legendary Tour riders are painted across the road, left from previous races, but I take heart most from one that reads in English: “Go Audrey Go – 40 today!”

After 90 minutes I emerge from the forest and onto the bare limestone of the summit slopes. The gradient eases but the heat intensifies. I pass the memorial where Simpson died, covered in offerings of spare tyres and water bottles. After eight-and-a-half hours in the saddle, my brain is numb and empty of any thought beyond the need to keep turning the pedals, so the summit, hidden around a final hairpin, comes as a shock. I’m too tired to look for myself up there, but I do find a massive sweet stall and a glorious 360-degree view above the clouds. And then all that’s left is the 20km woosh back down to Bédoin, a beer, and the delicious prospect of watching Armstrong and co on 25 July, struggling up Ventoux in my tyre tracks.

Essentials

Rail Europe (0844 848 4070; raileurope.co.uk) has fares London-Montélimar and back from Orange from £125 including bike carriage in France. Taking bikes on Eurostar costs £20 each way. In Montélimar, Hotel Kyriad (kyriad.com) has doubles from €89; in Bédoin, Hotel des Pins (hotel-des-pins.fr) has doubles from €95. For more on the route see letour.fr and ventoux-stage-france-2009.co.uk. See also ladrometourisme.com and provenceguide.com.

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Now you’re talking …

Want to speak like a native but don’t fancy spending your entire trip in a classroom? These holidays combine lessons with activities and the chance to hang out with locals

French

Surfing: Biarritz

If only school could have been this relaxed. At a solar-powered surf camp in a 300-year-old farmhouse close to Les Casernes beach, near Biarritz, language lessons take the form of informal two-hour chats over beers in the afternoons. Mornings are spent riding the waves, and five days of surf lessons (for 1½ hours per day) are included. The camp has plenty of places for practising tenses in your free time – in the garden, hydro-pool, hammam, tree hut, canoe or hammock. Suitable for beginners and improvers.

• A week costs £606pp, including surfboard and wetsuit hire. 08445 020 445, golearnto.com.

Outdoor adventure: Verdon

Perhaps you’re more likely to remember new words if you learn them while scared out of your wits. A French immersion course in Moustiers, in the Parc Naturel Regional du Verdon, includes morning lessons (beginner to advanced available) in a converted hilltop monastery, plus afternoon exploration of the river Verdon by canoe, treks into the Garrigue with a forest guard, games of pétanque in the village square, dances at a bal populaire or viewings of French films, all accompanied by teachers to ensure French is spoken throughout. At the weekend, the adventuring ratchets up a gear with canyoning, rafting, kayaking and abseiling where no doubt you will learn the French for “Help!” and perfect your pronunciation of merde

• Course €1,670pp for 14 days, accommodation €458 per week, 0121 430 7660, experiencelanguage.co.uk.

Wine: Bordeaux

Many people’s language priority is being able to order food and drink. But imagine how impressive you’ll sound when you can not only stammer out “Un verre de vin, s’il vous plaît”, but are also capable of ordering a fine Bordeaux, commenting on its complexity of flavour and describing the time you visited the very vineyard where it was created. This seven-day French and Bordeaux wine course will set you well on the way to talking about terroir like a native, with four 45-minute sessions of French a day (there’s a test on day one to establish your level), three afternoon sessions on Bordeaux wines, including tastings at l’Ecole du Bordeaux, and excursions to Saint-Emilion and Médoc vineyards.

• Courses start 20 July, 17 August, 14 September, 12 October, £705pp. Homestay accommodation from £170 per week, flight from £115pp return. 0871 230 8512, statravel.co.uk.

Spanish

Walk the talk: Pyrenees

“When we visit my neighbour Hilaria’s vegetable garden, if you pick tomatoes, you’ll learn how to talk about them,” says Georgina Howard, who runs the Pyrenean Experience, a language course in the Baztan valley that teaches Spanish by living Spanish. Language tutors are always on hand to help guests in conversation practise while they ramble through the Pyrenean mountains, meet local farmers, visit bars and hamlets, have lunch with the neighbours or host parties at the seven-bedroom farmhouse, and generally live the Basque life. There are more formal morning lessons on a terrace, and weeks for beginners, intermediate and advanced speakers are run separately.

• Full board £850pp per week, 0121 711 3428, pyreneanexperience.com.

Surfing: Tenerife

Insted runs language courses in Austria, Spain and France that are combined with skiing or surfing. Its Tenerife course runs year-round from a central base in Puerto de la Cruz, a thriving town with busy bars and restaurants serving Latin American and African-influenced dishes. Minutes away from the classroom are the beaches, where the breaks have earned the Canaries the title “Hawaii of the Atlantic”. Accommodation is with a local family, or in an apartment sharing with other students from the course.

• Homestay with family from €165pp per week B&B in private room, €200 half board. Apartment from €165pp for private room. Two week minimum, €220 per week for the course. 00 33 450 530 366, insted.com.

Tango: Buenos Aires

“Bailamos?” is Spanish for “Shall we dance?” – as those returning from this trip will know. In the historic centre of Argentina’s capital, near the bohemian San Telmo district, pupils take a daily four-hour classroom lesson of Spanish, and Argentinian and Spanish culture, politics and history in groups of up to seven. Afterwards they don their dancing shoes to learn one of the world’s sexiest dances at a nearby milonga, or tango hall.

• Six nights including homestay with from £467pp, tango classes £4 per hour. Hotel accommodation available. Journey Latin America (020 8747 8315, journeylatinamerica.co.uk).

Portuguese

Capoeira: Brazil

Practise whirling your limbs to the moves of capoeira while learning to twirl your tongue around the Portuguese language on a two-week course combining the two in Salvador. Classes of eight study beginners’ Portuguese for 20 hours a week, then concentrate on the acrobatic Brazilian dance/martial art twice a week; both take place in a language centre. A samba lesson and cookery class are also included, and homestay accommodation is available so that you can practise over dinner (the language, not capoeira).

• Course £285 pp for 14 days, homestay accommodation from £89 per room per week. 08445 020 445, golearnto.com.

Italian

Food and cookery: Tuscany

For an indulgent foodie break with a side serving of language lessons, Sanctuary Villas puts up large groups of friends or two families in a luxurious converted farmhouse villa with an outdoor pool, sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi, near the medieval village of San Gimignano. The company can arrange extras including cookery classes with local chef Giuseppina and language lessons, taken in your villa, the garden which overlooks rolling, cypress-lined Chianti hills or wherever you prefer. Villa La Terme consists of two large houses, together sleeping 10 plus two children.

• From £5,824 per week (£69 pp per night) accommodation only, language lessons from £41 pp per hour with Sanctuary Villas (01242 547 902, sanctuary-villas.com).

Photography and cycling: Umbria

Northern Umbria is a very untouristy part of Italy, a bonus for language learners as locals are unlikely to revert to English when you chat, and because they have more time to do so. Guests at the Labbazia school in the Upper Tiber Valley will meet plenty of them on trips to local markets and bars in the nearby medieval villages, where they’ll put into practise all they learned that day in class (three levels available). There’s usually some sort of local pageant, dance or festival to attend, and many other activities are arranged on demand, from photography classes to tai chi, cycling or horse-riding.

• From €1,050pp per week, full-board at the agriturismo where lessons are held, including 20 x 45min lessons, transfers from Perugia and guided trips. 00 39 075 857 3004, labbaziaschool.com.

Greek

Beach and culture: Syros

On this two-week course at the OMILO centre on the Cycladic island of Syros, there are classes at the Pension Echo in Azolimnos (which is also one of the self-catering accommodation options) from 9.30am to 1.30pm each day. Then it’s time to hit the beaches right by the centre for swimming and sunbathing, before moving a short distance to the village’s lively tavernas. Excursions such as Greek dance lessons, museum visits, guided walks and local concerts are included and everyone goes along to a sociable first night meal. The island’s capital, Ermoupolis, an affluent harbour of neo-classical buildings, mansions, marble-paved streets and white houses, is 4km away.

• Catch a ferry from Athens. Next dates September, €590 for two weeks. Rooms from €35 per night. 00 30 210 612 2896, omilo.com.

German

Watersports: Bavaria

Lindau is a beautiful town on its own island in the eastern side of Lake Constance, with a historic medieval centre and pretty harbour. It’s a great base for learning German – after classes, pupils cool off by sailing and waterskiing on the lake, cycle around it or go on excursions to Meersburg, Salem Castle and Liechtenstein.

The Dialoge language school provides 20-25 lessons per week, and has a sports hall for basketball, volleyball and football games. Social evenings with barbecues, wine tastings and the cinema are arranged too.

• From €490 per week including accommodation with a host family or the school’s apartments, €330 without. 0808 234 8578, studytravel.com.

Arabic

Interaction: Cairo

Pupils of the Bridge Abroad programme will learn the Egyptian dialect (one of the easiest to pick up) as well as classical Arabic on a week’s beginners’ course in Cairo. The focus is on learning through interaction with some of the city’s 14.5million residents, after daily lessons in a school 15 minutes from the centre. Afternoons are spent among the throng, picking up more vocabulary in the souks, cafes and squares, and at lectures, concerts, cinemas and the famous sites.

• Three weeks (minimum) including accommodation costs from $878pp, $399 without accommodation, or from $711 per week private tuition, from $855 with accommodation. 0808 120 7613, bridgeabroad.com.

Japanese

Cooking and karaoke: Tokyo

Nowhere gives a culture shock like Japan, so throwing yourself into the local way of life is as important as learning the lingo if you are to have a hope of ever fitting in. Alongside a beginners’ course that also covers Japanese culture in a centrally-located school, pupils can take workshops on calligraphy, tea ceremonies, noodle cooking, judo and karate, and interact with native Japanese speakers on nights out bowling, to quizzes and, of course, singing karaoke.

• From $2900 for two weeks including accommodation with a host family, in student dorms or apartments with World Link Education (0046 5580 3720, wle-japan.com).

Mandarin

Live-in learning: Beijing

Moving in with your teacher would have been an abhorrent notion when you were a teenager, but now it could be the best way to develop your language skills. Instead of trawling through a textbook twice a day, you can chat to your tutors from breakfast to bedtime while staying in their home on Go Learn To’s “home language courses”. These suit all levels and give the option of staying with your teachers, couples and families around Beijing as well as informal tuition. Guests get a set of keys and are free to come and go as they please, but are usually invited to join in with their teacher’s life, to meet relatives and friends, go shopping and explore the nightlife.

• Seven days from £864pp per week full board, 08445 020 445, golearnto.com.

Russian

Culture: St Petersburg

Russia is one place where you’re unlikely to pick up much of the language without some serious tuition. A course that includes 20 lessons per week in St Petersburg is a good place to start. After class, it’s time to absorb the city’s rich culture at its many sites.

Bi-weekly group activities include visits to the theatre and ballet and to other places such as the riverside city of Novgorod. Go in the summer and you can join in many vercherinkas – small parties with caviar, vodka and Russian folk songs. Beginners’ and advanced courses are available, but everyone is asked to learn the Cyrillic alphabet before arriving.

• Two weeks from $2,170pp all inclusive, but excluding flights, languagesabroad.com.

• Don’t miss our free phrasebooks every day next week, plus Italian the week after

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