Are Tony Parker and Eva Longoria giving love another chance even after the hoopster was caught with his pants down (figuratively-speaking, of course) and Blackberry in hand sexting a pal’s wife? Fresh on the heels of their split announcement last month, Eva and Tony reunited for a “very friendly†lunch at Shutters — a beachfront [...]
Posts Tagged ‘erin’
“90210″ Star Ian Ziering Is Going To Be A Dad!
November 1st, 2010 |
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If you were one of those teenagers who grew up glued to the tube for your weekly dose of Beverly Hills, 90210 every Wednesday night back in the early ’90s, you’ll probably remember actor Ian Ziering as small screen silver spooner Steve Sanders. These days, Ian’s basking in the joy of his most important role [...]
How “Fun†Can Be Your Best Discipline Technique
October 14th, 2010 |
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Show me any two people who have fun together frequently and I’ll show you a good relationship. People who have regular fun together like each other and most often respect one another. This is a winning combination when it comes to the parent/child relationship. If both parties feel good around each other there will be less animosity, anger, resentment and discord and more ease, comfort, respect and happiness.
To like your kids you must enjoy them regularly. And for them to respond positively to your discipline they must enjoy and like you.
Unfortunately, in the hustle an bustle of everyday life, many of the daily encounters between parent and child go something like this:
“Time to get up.”
“Here’s your breakfast. No TV until you’re done.”
“Got you backpack?”
“You don’t have time to with the dog.”
“Come on, we’re in a hurry!”
“Don’t forget your coat.”
“Love you, bye!”
“How was your day? Got any homework?”
“Leave your brother alone!”
“You have to finish your vegetables if you want dessert.”
“You can play outside for 1 hour. I want you back by 8 o’clock for bed.”
“Did you brush your teeth?” Goodnight.”
Now, how much mutual enjoyment took place on this day? None. The parent saw the child as a bundle of unpleasant tasks, and the child saw the parent as a bundle of directions. No relationship can remain healthy when this kind of interaction is the only feeding it gets.
The antidote? FUN!
When I interviewed over a thousand children around the world as to what it is that their mother or father did for them that made them feel totally happy and loved they said, “Spending one-on-one time with me.”
The possibilities or shared one-on-one fun are endless. Here is a list I’ve compiled over the years after talking to children and families:
1) Going out for dinner on a school night while everyone else stays home
2) Going to a movie
3) Going shopping
4) Going for a bike ride
5) Reading a novel aloud to them
6) Finger painting
7) Baking cookies
8) Playing card/board games
9) Going for a walk in the park
10) Going swimming
11) Doing a collection together (stamps, coins, dolls)
12) Visiting a museum
13) Planting a flower or vegetable together
Shared fun can also come in little doses throughout the day while talking, listening, expressing affection or telling jokes. The impact of these small things is astounding. Let’s redo the scenario described above to illustrate this point. This time, let’s put some FUN into it!
“Unfortunately sleepyhead, it’s time to get.” Dad rubs child’s back.”
“After you demolish your breakfast, you can watch a little TV.”
“Got you three-ton book bag?”
“Rufus sure likes you. Okay, let’ get outta here!”
“You’re moving quicker than I am this morning!”
“Good job remembering your coat, lovebug.”
“Love you, bye!”
“What was the most fun part of your day?”
“Alan, we don’t bug each other like that. You need to stop.”
“Only 1 more piece of broccoli, my sweet, and then we can enjoy a nice dessert together.”
“You can go to Ryan’s house for one hour until 8 o’clock. Have a great time!”
“Hey, welcome home, lovebug! Let’s head on up to the bathroom to brush those teeth.”
“Goodnight. I love you. See you in the morning.”
Lightening up, adding humour and spending some one-on-one time with each child each month is one of the biggest secrets to having a wonderful family life that doesn’t include a lot of stress or need to discipline. Try it and see the difference it can make! Your children will love you for it.
Photo: Pink Sherbert Photography
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
The #1 Way to Stop Your Child From Driving You Crazy!
October 8th, 2010 |
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Have you ever seen a small child go down to a pond and throw rocks into it? Kids can do that for hours, partly because the big splashes are a sign of their impact. They are the ones causing all the commotion!
How does throwing rocks into a pond relate to what happens at home? If your little child can get big ‘ol you all upset, your upset is the big splash for her. Your upset makes your child feel powerful. Now, don’t get me wrong, her reacting this way does not mean she hasn’t a conscience and will grow up to be a criminal. It’s just a normal childhood feeling: Having all that power temporarily rewards – or feels good to – the inferior part of the child.
Parents I coach who tell me, “It drives me absolutely crazy when she eats her dinner with her fingers! Why does she do that?” have already answered their own question. She may do that because …it drives them crazy.
An important rule, then, is this: If you have a child who is doing something you don’t like, get real upset about it on a regular basis and, sure enough, she’ll repeat if for you.
When it comes to discipline, you want to be clear, concise, and calm. So, what I recommend is that you apply my “Less Talking, Less Emotion” Rule. This point is critical to your effectiveness.
For some parents, turning off the talking and emotion is as easy as turning off a faucet, however for others, they have to bite their lips to get the job done. Have you ever seen that T-Shirt that reads, “Help me. I’m talking and I can’t stop!”?
What else can help? Learning a simple, effective method of discipline that doesn’t involve a lot of talking or emotion. The more you can fall back on a system the better; you’ll be less likely to fall into the same old “talking” rut again and instead, just follow the step-by-step statements.
Get started with a solid system.
Image: Tarotastic
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
4 Ways to Break Free from that Useless Mom Guilt
October 2nd, 2010 |
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“I feel so guilty!†is a common phrase with most moms. We tend to feel guilty about everything, even if we’re doing something away from our kids that’s good for us!
Where does this guilt come from anyway? Dads don’t seem to have the same issue. They are more matter-of-fact about things. When I asked one dad why he didn’t feel guilty leaving his daughter to play by herself while he went to prepare himself lunch, he looked at me strangely and said, “Because I was hungry.†It seems so logical, doesn’t it?
If it’s so logical, let’s look at how to release this useless guilt in a very logical way.
1) Decide if it’s legitimate.
Logically ask yourself if you’ve actually done something you regret. Are you feeling real guilt or referred guilt? If you’ve actually chosen to work late to impress your boss rather than tend to your sick child, that’s real guilt. If your guilt is coming from somewhere or someone else—like the mom down the street who wonders why you’re not volunteering for her committee—that’s referred guilt. Acknowledge that it’s coming from someone else and you’re doing the best you can, then let it go.
2) Spin guilt into a positive action.
Missed your child’s piano recital because you were stuck at the office? Figure out how to do better next time. At the start of the school year log big family or important school events as appointments on your Outlook calendar or Blackberry to make sure there are no conflicts before you make any work commitments.
3) Forgive yourself, but don’t forget.
Life is all about choices. Sometimes we make a bad call, and that’s okay. We’re human. But there’s no reason to obsess over your mistake. Mentally letting yourself off the hook and resolving not to have a repeat episode can lessen anxiety and make you feel more in control of the situation. It’s all about checks and balances. Certain experiences remind you to reassess your priorities so you can pick and choose your commitments.
4) Set priorities.
We’re pulled in dozens of directions, and it seems like no choice comes guilt-free. When you’re working, you feel like you’re neglecting domestic duties, and when you’re spending time with your family, you feel like you should be prepping for that conference call. Even when you’re squeezing in a quick workout, it’s hard to let go of the pressure to play hide-and-seek with your toddler. Set a priority and give yourself a certain amount of time to focus on the task without worrying about other obligations.
We’ve been trained to believe that if we’re not with our kids 24/7 they’re being deprived of eternal love. That’s just not the case. I’ve surveyed thousands of children around the world and all they want you to do are simple things every once in a while.
I heard from one mom that she was walking by an outdoor pool and saw, with envy, a mom swimming laps while her toddler called out for his mommy. There was an older lady, watching her son. This mom then told me, “I thought to myself, “Why am I so willing to skip a workout because my child wants me?†Now she makes it a priority to exercise. She said, “It doesn’t hurt my daughter to be without me for thirty minutes, and it saves my sanity.â€
Breaking free from useless mom guilt is totally possible, but you have to finally make the decision within yourself that you want to break-free. Do you? Or does the guilt serve you in a way? Does feeling guilty and talking about it make you FEEL like a good mother? Think about this and then make that very important decision.
When moms feel confident and at peace with themselves, they are unlikely to make choices or act in ways that cause them to feel guilty. When they feel insecure, exhausted or overwhelmed, they may do things or make decisions that they later regret, or act in haste or anger, all of which lead to guilt.
Image: cia de foto
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
5 Ways to Spend Time with Your Kids When You Have No Time
August 23rd, 2010 |
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It was Dr. Anthony P. Witham who once said “children spell love…T-I-M-E.” He was definitely onto something. Unfortunately, if you are like most parents, time is a precious commodity that often eludes us. Whether we have a new job, a new baby, or we just need to make the coffee or strip the beds, we always seem to be wishing for more time. We need more. We want more. But we feel we just don’t have it. Does that mean we don’t love them? Of course not.
Spending quality time with our children is extremely important for their development and happiness. I have interviewed thousands of children around the world and they told me that time spent with them doesn’t need to be elaborate or long, but it must be “quality”. We must find ways then to slow down and slip in some memorable time that will let our children know that we love and care for them.
Many children will let you know in their own “subtle” ways if they feel that you are not giving them the attention that they need. Some will withdraw while others will “act out.” You might see it when a child gives “lip” to a teacher, fights with another classmate or resorts back to behaviors that once got your attention like increased crying, throwing tantrums or even bed-wetting. This is a way to capture your attention, albeit often negative, so that they can enjoy “focused” time with you. Essentially the thought process is, “if I can’t get her attention by doing something good, I’ll get her attention by doing something bad.” Nobody wants that!
So how can you find time when you feel you don’t have any to spend?
1. One-on-one time: Alone time with your child is best when you are doing something you both enjoy. With one family it may be the time when Dad takes the baby so Mom can spend time with the older child. This could mean going to a movie, going to the local theater to see Cinderella, or just sitting at the park on a bench and talking. The frequency of one-on-one time is up to you, but the children I interviewed said at least once a month is the minimum. If you are a single mother with more than one child you could arrange it so that each Saturday you spend quality time with one of your children and the last Saturday of the month you spend quality time as a family.
Marking your dates down on a calendar is a great idea and shows your children you make this time a priority.
2. Integrate Together Time into Your Daily Schedule: Children love to help. Do you have a mailing to do? Have them put the stamps on the envelopes. Need to go shopping? Make grocery shopping “fun time” with you. Need to make dinner? Let them help you by contributing to the preparation process. While it might be messier and it may time more time in the beginning, you will see that the children will become your greatest helpers and they will look back and remember that “before dinner” was always special time with you.
3. Phantom Time: Don’t have a moment to spare until about 3 a.m.? You can still let your children know that you care. Write notes and drop them into their lunch boxes. This was one of the top ten things children told me made them feel loved and cared for by their parent. Other ideas would be to record a short video for them using a camera and leaving it for them at the breakfast table. Be creative here!
4. Break time: Everyone is busy. Some parents are busier than others. Slide in a “break time” so that you and your children can spend 15 minutes or a half hour together. Set a timer if you need to so that everyone knows when “break time” starts and finishes. Give warnings to your children when 2 minutes are left so that it doesn’t come as a surprise. Don’t even have break time available? Wake your child up 15 minutes early so that you can spend a little extra time doing something fun in the morning. You might not think that 15 minutes is any significant time at all, but to a child, it is 15 extra minutes with you.
Spending time with your children provides them with opportunities to learn and to be heard. Most of all, it provides you and your children with time to connect. It’s these connections that make your children feel loved. So leave the beds unstripped for another few minutes and put the coffee on an automatic timer. Take those extra moments to spend with your children. When you look back, you will be thankful for the memories.
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
2 Simple Ways to Be a Happy Parent
May 28th, 2010 |
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Do you have moments throughout the day when you feel great as a parent? When your kids are happy, you are happy, you are all hugging, laughing and kissing one other? You know the feeling of wonderment. Now, do you also have times when you don’t love being a parent? Have you felt at your wits end, frustrated, angry and resentful? Here are two simple ways you can be a happy parent more often than passing moments in your day.
Ask yourself two very important questions:
1. When are you happiest with your kids?
2. What part of the normal day with your family routinely causes suffering?
After you have answered these questions, you will see that there tends to be patterns or times during the day when things go haywire for you or when life is flowing smoothly.
When does life flow in your home? What are you doing with your children when everyone is most happy? Is there a way to increase these times? What is going on with you that you feel so happy to be around your kids?
Parents say that morning, after school, dinner time and bed time are the most stressful for them. Would you agree? Look at each time period more closely and see what leads up to the stress. Is it that there really is not a routine in place? Is there no structure around a certain activity? Do your children know your expectations and if necessary, the consequences? And, do you follow through on your word or just give up to appease the situation?
Kids love and adore routine and structure; not rigid, but consistent and calm structure. They also love predictability, so be sure to sit down and talk to your children about any routines you see that need to be put into place.
Now that you will have some comforting routines in place for your children, begin to think about ones YOU might need. Do you feel stressed after coming home from work? Find a way to wind down for 15-20 mins before you move into the next phase of the evening. Ideas?
• You could go to your room, change into comfy clothes and take 10 deep breaths.
• You could read a book
• You could do a short yoga routine
• You could lie down and close your eyes for 15 minutes
• You could lie on your bed or the sofa and listen to classical musical
Find whatever it is you think would help you re-energize before moving on to the task that usually stresses you.
Becoming conscious of the certain times when you are happiest with your kids and when you’re not allows you to stop, think, and redesign your family’s routine. It’s doable, you just have to make the necessary decisions, share and discuss them with your family and then be consistent. Your motivator will be the calm and habitual happiness you will feel.
Image: Autumm
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
4 Ways to Spend Time with Your Kids When You Have No Time
May 19th, 2010 |
No Comments
It was Dr. Anthony P. Witham who once said “children spell love…T-I-M-E.” He was definitely onto something. Unfortunately, if you are like most parents, time is a precious commodity that often eludes us. Whether we have a new job, a new baby, or we just need to make the coffee or strip the beds, we always seem to be wishing for more time. We need more. We want more. But we feel we just don’t have it. Does that mean we don’t love them? Of course not.
Spending quality time with our children is extremely important for their development and happiness. I have interviewed thousands of children around the world and they told me that time spent with them doesn’t need to be elaborate or long, but it must be “quality”. We must find ways then to slow down and slip in some memorable time that will let our children know that we love and care for them.
Many children will let you know in their own “subtle” ways if they feel that you are not giving them the attention that they need. Some will withdraw while others will “act out.” You might see it when a child gives “lip” to a teacher, fights with another classmate or resorts back to behaviors that once got your attention like increased crying, throwing tantrums or even bed-wetting. This is a way to capture your attention, albeit often negative, so that they can enjoy “focused” time with you. Essentially the thought process is, “if I can’t get her attention by doing something good, I’ll get her attention by doing something bad.” Nobody wants that!
So how can you find time when you feel you don’t have any to spend?
1. One-on-one time
Alone time with your child is best when you are doing something you both enjoy. With one family it may be the time when Dad takes the baby so Mom can spend time with the older child. This could mean going to a movie, going to the local theater to see Cinderella, or just sitting at the park on a bench and talking. The frequency of one-on-one time is up to you, but the children I interviewed said at least once a month is the minimum. If you are a single mother with more than one child you could arrange it so that each Saturday you spend quality time with one of your children and the last Saturday of the month you spend quality time as a family.
Marking your dates down on a calendar is a great idea and shows your children you make this time a priority.
2.Integrate Together Time into Your Daily Schedule
Children love to help. Do you have a mailing to do? Have them put the stamps on the envelopes. Need to go shopping? Make grocery shopping “fun time” with you. Need to make dinner? Let them help you by contributing to the preparation process. While it might be messier and it may time more time in the beginning, you will see that the children will become your greatest helpers and they will look back and remember that “before dinner” was always special time with you.
3. Phantom Time
Don’t have a moment to spare until about 3 a.m.? You can still let your children know that you care. Write notes and drop them into their lunch boxes. This was one of the top ten things children told me made them feel loved and cared for by their parent. Other ideas would be to record a short video for them using a camera and leaving it for them at the breakfast table. Be creative here!
4. Break time
Everyone is busy. Some parents are busier than others. Slide in a “break time” so that you and your children can spend 15 minutes or a half hour together. Set a timer if you need to so that everyone knows when “break time” starts and finishes. Give warnings to your children when 2 minutes are left so that it doesn’t come as a surprise. Don’t even have break time available? Wake your child up 15 minutes early so that you can spend a little extra time doing something fun in the morning. You might not think that 15 minutes is any significant time at all, but to a child, it is 15 extra minutes with you.
Spending time with your children provides them with opportunities to learn and to be heard. Most of all, it provides you and your children with time to connect. It’s these connections that make your children feel loved. So leave the beds unstripped for another few minutes and put the coffee on an automatic timer. Take those extra moments to spend with your children. When you look back, you will be thankful for the memories.
Image: cia de photo
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Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Erin Andrews Apology
May 5th, 2010 |
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Well — that was quick! Elisabeth Hasselbeck — the conservative spitfire who puts “The Hassel” in The View — broke down on the gabfest Wednesday, publicly apologizing for controversial — and might we add ridiculous — remarks she made criticizing Erin Andrews and her “skimpy” wardrobe on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars.On The View Tuesday [...]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck Criticizes Erin Andrews’ “Dancing With The Stars†Wardrobe
May 5th, 2010 |
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ESPN reporter Erin Andrews has been the target of death threats, stalking, and even an obsessed Peeping Tom who released secret videotapes of the blonde bombshell in the buff — but these days Andrews is geting sone of her harshest criticism from other woman. Take The View’s Elizabeth Hasselbeck, for example. On Tuesday, Lizzie’s conservative [...]
Parenting: 6 Myths You Should Know About
April 19th, 2010 |
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It is easy to get overwhelmed with parenting these days. There are societal pressures and ever-changing child-rearing theories that have created a lot of stress and anxiety for parents. It’s time to clear up some misguided notions about good and bad parenting so that parents can get back to feeling confident and being able to enjoy their kids again.
Here are the top myths surrounding the topic of parenting:
1. Parenting has to be stressful and chaotic.
Television shows, movies, and magazines seem to be driving this message home constantly. We see images of overwhelmed and exhausted parents everywhere! This seems to be the reality and so we just buy into it and become one of those busy, stressed parents ourselves.
This is a myth though. If certain tools are learned and used, and if we live our lives more slowly and with routine, our lives with family can be absolutely magical and peaceful.
2. The more you do the better parent you are.
Rushing around, taking your children to lessons and practices does not make you a great parent. Sorry. Giving your children love, one-on-one time and creating and participating in family traditions does.
Being a great parent also means allowing your child to have down-time and loads of time to play. It is here that your children learn, problem-solve and are able to be physically healthy.
3. You have to LOVE playing with your child.
What? You don’t like playing choo-choo train with your child? You don’t like pretending you are an alien on another planet or a fairy in another land?
Spending quality time with your child IS important but many, many parents have been made to feel guilty that they do not enjoy participating in child-like play.
Children and adults play very differently. Often children will dictate to parents HOW to play a game and when the parent tries, the child will often say, “No, this wayâ€, making it even less enjoyable to play their game.
So, choose something you love to do and share it with your child. Children LOVE to see what their parents like doing and often want to participate.
4. You are a bad parent if you use the word “discipline†instead of “managing my child’s behaviorsâ€.
The word discipline comes from the word disciple, which means “learnerâ€. Our children are the learners in our family…along with us of course, as we are all constantly learning. It is our job to teach and guide our children through each stage of their lives, using our values and experience as our reference.
Getting caught up on a word just shifts the focus from what is important – teaching our kids how to have self-discipline, to be kind, and to feel good about themselves. Not all discipline is equal, I’ll agree, however, using the word “discipline†should never label you as a parent who doesn’t care about the well-being of your child.
5. The more talking and explaining you do, the more your child will do the right thing.
This is a myth because children, particularly from the ages of 2-7 are concrete learners and do not have an understanding of logic and reasoning. They need simple sentences that they can follow and concrete experiences that they can understand.
Any long lecture just goes in one ear and out the next. Simplicity is what works best, then adding more talking and explaining as they grow older and can actually comprehend what is being said.
6. Letting your child struggle or get upset is bad parenting.
Although it is not easy to watch our children struggle or be upset it is necessary at times and actually helps our children learn how to do new things and as a result feel good about themselves.
We know that the only way our children learn anything is to practice and practice, and that along with the practicing, there will be some frustration. Once they do master something they will feel great about themselves and THIS is the time to jump in and give them a high five, a hug and attention.
Taking this experience of practice and mastery away from our children robs them of having confidence in themselves, the ability to be resilient and the feeling that they are capable. So, the next time your child is struggling, just stand back, let them try and try again, and if after some time, 5-10 minutes, they are not able to succeed, offer them encouragement and a little bit of help if needed.
Given your experience as a parent or even as an observant child, what would you add to the list? I look forward to reading your thoughts!
Image: Cia de foto
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
For real Erin Brokovich, Oscar-winning movie was a curse
April 19th, 2010 |
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Julia Roberts won the Oscar for playing her, but for Erin Brokovich, the movie based on her life and name was more of a curse than a blessing.
The movie portrayed her real-life fight against water contamination in the tiny town of Hinkley, California.
Brokovich has revealed that while she was basking in her new-found fame and [...]
Female Sports Reporter Rips Erin Andrews For Appearance On “Dancing With The Starsâ€
April 12th, 2010 |
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It wasn’t enough that some Looney Bird Johnson videotaped her naked through a peephole, now ESPN’s Erin Andrews is waltzing into some drama for her turn on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars.
In an article titled “Erin Andrews Looks More Ballroom Bimbo, Less Reporter” and published last week, Toronto Sun sports columnist Rosie DiManno bashes [...]
Betrayed Cheryl Cole, Erin Nordegren riding high in sexiest women poll
February 27th, 2010 |
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Their husbands have been caught cheating on them with a bevy of ladies, but according to British men Cheryl Cole and Elin Nordegren are some of the sexiest women alive.
Cole, Tess Daly and Nordegren have gone up in the estimation of the UK’s men after the behaviour of Ashley Cole, Vernon Kay and Tiger Woods [...]