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21 First Date Ideas


You’re going on a first date with somebody special and you need some ideas of what to do? You’ve come to the right place! When I first started dating, my idea of a date was the stereotypical cheap-dinner-and-a-movie. Don’t hate on me, I didn’t know any better! By the time I finished high school I was pretty comfortable in my own skin and got pretty good at coming up with ideas for dates. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorites as well as some suggested by friends. Enjoy!

I’ve decided to split the list of first date ideas into outdoor, indoor, and “safe.” The last section is especially for those of you going on blind dates who have no idea what you’re getting into! (Been there, done that!)

Outdoor First Date Ideas

  1. Go for a walk - This is such a simple first date idea but most shy away from it because they feel like they must do something complex in order for their date to be impressed. Wrong! The only ideas you need to impress your date with are the ones that you articulate as your conversation progresses. If you are an interesting person and have found a fun person to spend time with, rest assured that a walk about town will be just fine. Remember, the idea is to leave your date wanting more.
  2. Watch an outdoor movie – Going to a movie is pretty worn out in the world of first date ideas. You can resurrect it in a fun way by going to see a movie outdoors or, even better, at a drive-in movie theater if you still happen to have one near where you live.
  3. Create your own picnic – Pick a nice spot near where you’re meeting up and swing by a grocery store or take-out restaurant for some quick eats before setting up camp for food and conversation with your new favorite person. There’s no need to spend a lot of money. Picnics are supposed to be simple and you want it to be about getting to know your date, not truffles wrapped in gold foil!
  4. Go boating – The idea of sailing on a first date seems like a recipe for disaster but something milder, like canoeing, row boating, or taking a paddle boat out on a sunny afternoon would work well. Admittedly, the last time I took a girl on a paddle boat for a date we both ended up soaking wet with marsh moss in our hair. It was amazing though!
  5. Go for a run together – If running is your idea of a good time, an easy run with a new friend can make for a great date!
  6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen – One of the best first dates I’ve ever been on involved meeting up with a woman at 5:30am to serve breakfast at the local soup kitchen. Not only did we get to know each other better but we got to do something worthwhile that helped our community. It’s hard to come up with a reason why giving back to your community could be considered a bad idea for a first date! If you don’t have a soup kitchen or other short-order volunteer opportunity, be creative and come up with your own. There is always somebody nearby who could use some help if we are willing to give it.
  7. Get up insanely early and be the first customers at your favorite breakfast joint – You’ll get a chance to chat before the restaurant gets busy and have time to do some people-watching when the regulars start pouring in. Note: If you find somebody who is cool with rolling out of bed early to join you for a breakfast date, it’d be a bad idea to let them get away!

Indoor First Date Ideas

  1. Take an intro yoga or other fitness class – If you’re really out of shape, this might not be a great idea for a first date. Otherwise, pick a class that will fit both of your fitness levels and have some fun! You should know that getting hot and sweaty
  2. Visit a psychic – Everybody likes to know the future, well, at least a prediction of it!
  3. Visit a shut-in – This might not seem like it belongs on a list of first date ideas but if you step away from your preconceptions, I think you might consider it and even try it out. Visiting people who are unable to get out and enjoy regular social interactions isn’t just a worthwhile use of your time. It gives you a chance to learn a bit about the character of your date. Is he or she willing to spend time with people who are in need? If your date is unkind it will only be a matter of time before that unkindness is pointed at you. Seek the good hearts!
  4. Play video games – PS2, Nintendo, Xbox, it doesn’t matter. If your date is into video games and you’ve got strong thumbs, it might be time for a bit of virtual smackdown! Just be careful not to beat your date too badly at whatever video game you decide to play. You don’t want your first date ideas to turn into video-game-inspired revenge ideas. =)
  5. Take a music lesson together – Have you always wanted to learn how to play the guitar or some other instrument? Inviting a date along for a partner lesson at a local music school might be a fun way to start your lesson and get the much-dreaded first date out of the way.
  6. Go to a used bookstore – It can be a new bookstore if you insist. It doesn’t matter! If you and your date enjoy reading and perusing books, hitting up a bookstore on a first date may just end up being one of the ideas that sets you on a quick course to true love.
  7. Go gift shopping – Not for each other, but for somebody else. Perhaps you need to pick up a gift for your sister or some other relative and you need some insight into the process? Ask your date to give you some in-motion advice and perhaps even pick up something small for each other. Trinkets only. Save the cars and fur coats for later dates!

“Safe” First Date Ideas

  1. Take a cooking class together – Check your local community college or continuing education program for listings of cooking classes you can take if there isn’t a culinary school to be found.
  2. Visit a tourist hot spot in your town that neither of you has been to before – Even if you’ve been living in the same place for years, there’s a great chance that you’ll have missed at least a few interesting places in your community. If it turns out that your chosen spot is a dud, get creative and come up with a few quick ideas to finish off your date. Most will give you a lot of slack if little things go wrong. Just keep the conversation interesting and the venue won’t be such a killer.
  3. Attend a local film or music festival – It’s a rare individual who won’t enjoy a local festival at least a bit. This is a pretty safe bet for anybody but the most boring of people.
  4. Meet up for a drink – This is one of the safest, and therefore one of the most-used first date ideas. You can make things a bit more adventurous by visiting a jazz club or finding a bar that will teach you to make new drinks. Of course, you could always go and grab some bottled water. =)
  5. Visit a new restaurant – There’s a bit of risk in eating at a new restaurant because you can’t be sure of the quality but this first date idea still makes the “safe” list because it’s not hugely risky.
  6. Eat in – Do you already have great cooking skills? If so, break ‘em out for an early dinner! You might want to check for possible food allergies before you start sharing your iron chef skills though.
  7. Phone it in – Oh yeah, the date that consists entirely of talking into a small electronic device. This one is for all you cyber dating pros out there looking for first date ideas like you planned on doing something other than talking on your phone. =) All jokes aside, there are some benefits to phoning in. Sure, you don’t get to see your date’s face while you’re talking, but that also means that you don’t have to get dressed up or worry about what your face looks like. See? Might not be a bad idea.

Have any first date ideas you’d like to add? Leave them in a comment!

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I’m an editor here at Stepcase Lifehack. I know the value of long walks, good books, joyful repartee, and a well-made martini. Say hello in the comments here, find me on my blog or hit me up for a follow on Twitter.

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Sexual healing

Is my husband gay?

When I met my husband and we were exploring our sexuality I realised he could get pleasure from anal sex. He admitted to a couple of same-sex relations, but he told me it was something he didn’t want to try again. At that time I felt adventurous and was happy to explore but he refused. Now, eight years on and with two young children, I do not feel “adventurous” (or “sexual” at all), but he suddenly wants madly to explore this path. I feel that this is unfair when I do not have the energy. But if I satisfy his desires, will I then be stimulating his gay tendencies? Or, if I refuse, will he look elsewhere? Is he really a gay man hidden in a heterosexual relationship?

You don’t have to worry about your husband’s sexual orientation. Same-gender experimentation is quite common, and indicates a desire to fathom one’s sexuality rather than “being gay”. As for anal sex, many people find this erotic and pleasurable. Nevertheless, it is understandable that, right now, you are not in the mood. Put aside your worries about your husband’s orientation and have a frank, relaxed discussion with him about your current lack of erotic energy. Let him know you would like to please him but are not quite up to it now. When you feel more energetic, you may decide to give it a try. But do not martyr yourself, and never allow yourself to be coerced into something you simply don’t fancy. Anal sex is not for everyone.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• Send your own dilemma to Sexual Healing. Email private.lives@guardian.co.uk. Sexual Healing is opened up for comments at guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds



Don McNay: Bait and Switch Business Relationships

All of this, all of this, all of this looks so easy. But all of this, all of this, all of this ain’t so…

At 30, Katherine Heigl’s learnt to deal with relationships maturely

American actress Katherine Heigl feels that reaching 30 years of age has helped her to deal with people in her life more maturely.
The Ugly Truth star said that she was “more clueless”” about relationships in her 20s.
“But as I”ve gotten older, I think some of it is just being aware and instinctual. I think women [...]

Should I ditch my secret millionaire?

A reader wonders whether finding out about her new boyfriend’s hidden wealth will jeopardise their relationship

Every week a Guardian Money reader submits a question, and it’s up to you to help him or her out – a selection of the best answers will appear in Saturday’s paper.

This week’s question

I have been seeing a lovely guy I met on a dating website. We get on ridiculously well but, unknown to him, I’ve found out he’s a millionaire. I’m uncomfortable that our lives are so very different, and worry he might see me as a “gold digger”. My friends say I’m in a flap about nothing and it’s a no-brainer! How do I resolve this? Do I finish it? Or am I being prejudiced against the rich?

What are your thoughts?

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


Jarrett: Chicago-Staffed White House Not The City’s ’51st Ward’

In Washington, the relationships among the key players in government are subject to speculation and fascination over whether there is a “Chicago way” in the six-month-old Obama White House.

More on Barack Obama

Should I forgive my drug-using ex?

Post your advice below. The best responses will be published in G2 next Thursday

I was in a gay relationship for a year with a man in recovery (from his addictions) for 13 years. I thought he was the love of my life. I gave everything I had and then more. But then I discovered that he had started to drink and take drugs again – and of course was lying to me. We broke it off in November. He is now contacting me again, I guess to patch things up. I am sure he is still abusing substances. Shall I take his call?

If you would like to respond to this week’s problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will not appear.

If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. We regret that only letters that are published will be answered.

All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don’t send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Please note that Private Lives and Sexual Healing are opened up to comments each Thursday at guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


Sexual healing

Can abuse victims be happy sexual partners?

Recently arguments between me and my partner of three years have got out of control. We haven’t had decent sex in ages. He accuses me of always talking about it, and I say it’s because we don’t do it enough. We were both abused as kids so I know that sex will feel a bit weird. Can people like us really stay together? And do people need to have sex every day to be happy?

Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have learned to equate love with disharmony, betrayal and conflicted feelings – and both of you are re-enacting this pattern. You must immediately change. You could try a survivors’ group or The Courage To Heal Workbook by Laura Davis.

As for sexual frequency, don’t feel pressure to keep up with your friends’ (often inflated) tales. Couples should do what works for them, with an emphasis on quality rather than quantity.

And be aware that because of your abuse you see your sexuality as a shame-based experience – until you can feel safe during love-making you will continue to push each other away. But people with such challenges absolutely can – and do – become healthy enough for long-lasting and fulfilling relationships.

In the meantime, understand that arguing is a way of remaining tethered to abuse, so be gentle with each other. Have one deep discussion about the way forward, then support each other’s healing and growth.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


Sexual healing

Can abuse victims be happy sexual partners?

Recently arguments between me and my partner of three years have got out of control. We haven’t had decent sex in ages. He accuses me of always talking about it, and I say it’s because we don’t do it enough. We were both abused as kids so I know that sex will feel a bit weird. Can people like us really stay together? And do people need to have sex every day to be happy?

Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse have learned to equate love with disharmony, betrayal and conflicted feelings – and both of you are re-enacting this pattern. You must immediately change. You could try a survivors’ group or The Courage To Heal Workbook by Laura Davis.

As for sexual frequency, don’t feel pressure to keep up with your friends’ (often inflated) tales. Couples should do what works for them, with an emphasis on quality rather than quantity.

And be aware that because of your abuse you see your sexuality as a shame-based experience – until you can feel safe during love-making you will continue to push each other away. But people with such challenges absolutely can – and do – become healthy enough for long-lasting and fulfilling relationships.

In the meantime, understand that arguing is a way of remaining tethered to abuse, so be gentle with each other. Have one deep discussion about the way forward, then support each other’s healing and growth.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


IBM Expands Relationships with Cisco, Juniper and Brocade

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– IBM
is expanding its partnerships with networking vendors Cisco Systems, Juniper
Networks and Brocade in a move designed to expanding the networking options for
customers.
The enhanced
partnerships, which include OEM and reseller agreements, are part of a larger
strategy called the Data Center…


IBM Expands Relationships with Cisco, Juniper and Brocade

IBM is growing its partnerships with networking vendors Cisco, Juniper and Brocade in a move to advance its vision of a more integrated data center environment. The partnerships with Cisco, Juniper and Brocade range from OEM relationships to reseller deals. The announcement also is an indication of how IBM plans to differentiate itself from Cisco and HP in a converged data center, with IBM relying more on offering customers flexibility and strong management software.
– IBM
is expanding its partnerships with networking vendors Cisco Systems, Juniper
Networks and Brocade in a move designed to expanding the networking options for
customers.
The enhanced
partnerships, which include OEM and reseller agreements, are part of a larger
strategy called the Data Center…


Should I let my ex see my son?

Post your advice below. The best responses will be published in G2 on Thursday

I have broken up with my partner of nearly two years. I originally moved into his flat, with my three-year-old son, after three months of dating. I can see now that it was too soon. Cracks started to show and eventually I found a text message on his phone from a colleague that pointed to an affair. When I challenged him, he admitted to it and I was devastated.

We could never get over his infidelity and decided to split up. He adored my son and is keen to maintain a relationship with him, but I am not sure. What happens if he meets someone new and starts missing his arranged times? My priority is my son and I want him to be happy. He is keen to see my ex, but is it best simply to cease all contact so I can avoid a) falling for him again or b) getting hurt for a second time if he finds someone new?

If you would like to respond to this week’s problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will not appear.

If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. We regret that only letters that are published will be answered.

All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don’t send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Please note that Private Lives and Sexual Healing are opened up to comments each week.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


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These studies show that regardless of our intentions or how we think we want to act, we are strongly influenced by what is on our minds when we are acting in the world.

Is it time to move on?

Post your advice in the comments section below. The best responses will be published in G2 on Thursday

I am in my early 50s and am deeply in love with my husband. Unfortunately, he seems to be living a life of his own. We had a loving relationship until he experienced a career change that affected our financial situation. Now I work full-time but I am still doing all the chores.

I don’t really mind, but since I now seem to be a workhorse (at least in my eyes), I have become unattractive to my husband. We have not had any sexual relationship in the last two years. I have made several attempts to initiate intimacy but I have been told the usual things – headache, good book, too tired. I am beginning to think that my menopausal body is the cause, although I am still trotting around in the same sized jeans that my 17-year-old daughter wears.

I am at a loss to know how I can deal with this emotionally. I am still the girl who wants to be spending time with her husband, but it is not reciprocated. Is it time to move on?

If you would like to respond to this week’s problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will not appear.

If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. We regret that only letters that are published will be answered.

All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don’t send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Please note that Private Lives and Sexual Healing are opened up to comments each week.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


I slept with my daughter’s ex

I’m a divorced woman in my early 40s and until recently I hadn’t been with a man for more than a year. My daughter, who is 20, just finished a relationship a few weeks ago with a man in his 30s. She was absolutely heartbroken. During their time together, though, whenever he came to the house there was always some “chemistry” between me and him.

Shortly after they separated he started texting me. We ended up meeting for a few casual drinks, and one thing led to another.

I feel absolutely terrible about what I have done and I don’t know what to do. I really like this man, but I don’t want my daughter to hate me.

My mother did the same

In similar circumstances my mother did the same 11 years ago. Our relationship has never recovered. I am a mother myself now and understand her selfishness and betrayal even less. Your daughter will never forgive you and it is supremely unlikely that you will have a future with her ex-boyfriend. This man is out of limits. You know what to do.
A, London

Don’t ever tell

If you can’t even trust your own mother not to betray you, who can you trust? Shame on you. Don’t ever speak to this man again, and don’t ever tell your daughter what you did.
JS, via email

Cut off contact

This man has broken your daughter’s heart and made a fool of you. Cut off contact with him or you will lose your daughter’s respect. If she finds out what you have done, you will have some explaining to do anyway. In the meantime, have a think about why you fell for this creep. Are you lonely? Not quite over your divorce? Good luck.
CS, Crewe

Tell her the truth

Theoretically, you have not done anything wrong. If you had made love with the ex-boyfriend of a stranger rather than of your daughter, there would be no problem. You don’t indicate whether this was a one-night stand or if you intend the relationship with this man to continue. If it were a one-off, I think you should keep quiet, so that your daughter knows nothing about it. But if the relationship is serious, then obviously she must be told and realistically you should expect that she will be hurt and angry, at least for a while.
HN, London

Are you lonely?

You say that you haven’t been with a man for more than a year, which suggests that you feel lonely. Why not join some groups or classes, or even try online dating as a way to meet other people with similar interests? You could even try to get your newly single daughter involved. I hope in this way you are able to find another fulfilling relationship, without destroying the bond with your daughter.
NG, London

Get out there and start dating again

Can you honestly imagine a family Christmas in six months’ time where she happily waves you and this man off to bed together? Ditch this man before your daughter finds out and decide on whether or not you’re going to confess (depending on whether you think he’ll tell her at some point). You can then sit and wait for someone else who isn’t going out with your daughter to come along or take this as a sign that you need to try dating. Or you can aim for a committed, long-term relationship with your daughter’s ex and she’ll hate you. Up to you.
CE, via email

If you would like to respond to this week’s problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will not appear.

• You are invited to respond to next week’s main problem. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. We regret that only letters that are published will be answered.

All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don’t send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Please note that Private Lives and Sexual Healing are opened up to comments each Thursday at guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle

Next week: Is it time to move on?

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


I slept with my daughter’s ex

I’m a divorced woman in my early 40s and until recently I hadn’t been with a man for more than a year. My daughter, who is 20, just finished a relationship a few weeks ago with a man in his 30s. She was absolutely heartbroken. During their time together, though, whenever he came to the house there was always some “chemistry” between me and him.

Shortly after they separated he started texting me. We ended up meeting for a few casual drinks, and one thing led to another.

I feel absolutely terrible about what I have done and I don’t know what to do. I really like this man, but I don’t want my daughter to hate me.

My mother did the same

In similar circumstances my mother did the same 11 years ago. Our relationship has never recovered. I am a mother myself now and understand her selfishness and betrayal even less. Your daughter will never forgive you and it is supremely unlikely that you will have a future with her ex-boyfriend. This man is out of limits. You know what to do.
A, London

Don’t ever tell

If you can’t even trust your own mother not to betray you, who can you trust? Shame on you. Don’t ever speak to this man again, and don’t ever tell your daughter what you did.
JS, via email

Cut off contact

This man has broken your daughter’s heart and made a fool of you. Cut off contact with him or you will lose your daughter’s respect. If she finds out what you have done, you will have some explaining to do anyway. In the meantime, have a think about why you fell for this creep. Are you lonely? Not quite over your divorce? Good luck.
CS, Crewe

Tell her the truth

Theoretically, you have not done anything wrong. If you had made love with the ex-boyfriend of a stranger rather than of your daughter, there would be no problem. You don’t indicate whether this was a one-night stand or if you intend the relationship with this man to continue. If it were a one-off, I think you should keep quiet, so that your daughter knows nothing about it. But if the relationship is serious, then obviously she must be told and realistically you should expect that she will be hurt and angry, at least for a while.
HN, London

Are you lonely?

You say that you haven’t been with a man for more than a year, which suggests that you feel lonely. Why not join some groups or classes, or even try online dating as a way to meet other people with similar interests? You could even try to get your newly single daughter involved. I hope in this way you are able to find another fulfilling relationship, without destroying the bond with your daughter.
NG, London

Get out there and start dating again

Can you honestly imagine a family Christmas in six months’ time where she happily waves you and this man off to bed together? Ditch this man before your daughter finds out and decide on whether or not you’re going to confess (depending on whether you think he’ll tell her at some point). You can then sit and wait for someone else who isn’t going out with your daughter to come along or take this as a sign that you need to try dating. Or you can aim for a committed, long-term relationship with your daughter’s ex and she’ll hate you. Up to you.
CE, via email

If you would like to respond to this week’s problem, please post your comment below.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will not appear.

• You are invited to respond to next week’s main problem. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of around 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. We regret that only letters that are published will be answered.

All correspondence should reach us by Tuesday morning: email private.lives@guardian.co.uk (please don’t send attachments) or write to Private Lives, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Please note that Private Lives and Sexual Healing are opened up to comments each Thursday at guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle

Next week: Is it time to move on?

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds